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The Best Ever Book of Leeds United Jokes: Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who

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Leeds is a surprising tourism hot spot nowadays, attracting more summer visitors than traditional British holiday destinations such as Torquay and Brighton. This is according to national tourism board VisitBritain. Nelson Mandela mistook Leeds for Liverpool Leeds supporters have vented their frustration online after Helder Costa was deemed fractionally offside in the build-up to Tyler Roberts' goal. Still giggling, the firemen shout to Ferguson to go next. He jumps, they move the blanket, he makes a pancake on the pavement, high fives all around from the firemen. Curiously enough, however, it was the TV All Stars, rather than the Showbiz XI, who proved the more politically engaged. In 1961, for example, when professional players, campaigning for the abolition of the maximum wage, were threatening to strike, the players' union planned some fundraising matches. While the Showbiz team declined to help on the grounds that they wanted to remain apolitical, the All-Stars happily obliged, winning a degree of gratitude within the sport that caused some resentment among their more cautious rivals.

Seeing this, the Liverpool fan walked over and shouted "This is for the true Reds and everyone!" and pushed the Man United fan off the side of the mountain. TV comedy should be a mirror for us, not the performers. It should make us laugh because we see ourselves in it, not because we see them. The better both parties realise this, the better it will be for all. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. Round Two ('Fairway or Foul') saw the remaining couple of contestants answer questions to enable their playing partner to hit the ball towards the simulated green whilst trying to avoid such virtual hazards as bunkers, rivers and waterfalls, along with, of course, rabbits digging holes.Liverpool and Man United are playing at Anfield and the Liverpool supporters are having a pint on the street when a Man Utd supporter walks by with only one shoe on. Well," said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa." A primary teacher informs her students that she is a Liverpool fan. She invites her students to raise their hands if they, too, support Liverpool. Except for one little girl, everyone in the class raises their hands.

Jesse Lingard opened the scoring after hitting home the rebound after Illan Meslier saved his initial penalty in the first-half. Four football fans were climbing a mountain one day. Each was a fan of a different team in the premiership and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans of their football team. Diego Llorente, Mateusz Klich and Roberts all struggled for Leeds against West Ham on Monday evening.

Weirdly, I’ve been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. It doesn’t cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. Round Three ('The Final Green') had the last surviving contestant answering up to four questions correctly to win sufficient time for their celebrity partner to putt as many as ten golf balls into the hole and win them the star prize of a slightly exotic holiday. My partner just split up with me because they think I’m obsessed with football. I’m a bit gutted about it – we’d been going out for three seasons. Two Leeds fans talking. The first guy says: "Did you hear about Bert? 'E were found shagging a sheep behind the barn last night?"

He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, “Sorry Father, I almost hit that Liverpool fan.” “That’s ok,” replied the priest. “I got him with the door.” These were the best tweets and jokes as Leeds lose 3-4 on aggregate to Derby in their Championship play-off semi-final: This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends" says the City fan "I agree" replies the United fanDespite two goals from Stuart Dallas Leeds have lost in the play-offs to Derby. A definite case of Derby Does Dallas. #LEEDER

Good afternoon;" he said, "I'm Tony Collier's uncle. I've come to ask if he can have the afternoon off so I can take him to the match." This Leeds fan goes home for his dinner and his wife puts a plate of grass on the table in front of him. “What’s this?” he asks. City Varieties Music Hall has stood proudly on Swan Street, a cobbled side alley just off Briggate, for 151 years. The third one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Man. U. win the Champions League?". God Answers, "I will be dead by then!"Well, alright" he replies. "But I'm not jumping until you put the blanket down and move away from it......" Surely the main lesson is that entertainers, and producers, should never lose sight of the fact that they are there to serve the public, rather than themselves. They are there to be part of the broader community, and to listen, observe, reflect and engage with it - not merely impose whatever amuses their own little clique upon the broader watching public. Yes,” St Peter replied, “I agree that was a truly brave act.” Could you please tell me when this happened?”

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