One Last Thing: How to live with the end in mind

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While living with her diagnosis and facing the extreme changes that come along with a degenerative illness, Wendy wrote The task of raising the topic of death and a conversation around it can be daunting to many, but without that conversation, however challenging how can we be certain our directives and wishes will be honoured? It is my belief, even more so now that some do not wish to discuss death because it forces them to confront their own mortality; or perhaps they don’t want to cause loved ones pain around something that as Wendy writes, is a 100% certainty- we are all going to die. Anyone who reads Mitchell's work can only admire her passion, her energy and her extraordinary courage' SUNDAY TIMES Don’t be put off that this is a morbid read, it’s a difficult topic, but it places emphasis on living in the moment. I have long been an advocate of mindfulness, more so now as the years fly by. Wendy emphasises the importance of not becoming so focussed on death that we miss out on living. Wendy Mitchell doesn't fear anything anymore. After her diagnosis of young-onset dementia in 2014, all of Wendy's old fears - the dark, animals - melted away. What more was there to be afraid of when she faced her worst losing her own mind?

Well it felt like the natural way forward… what better subject to choose for my final book than planning for the future, assisted dying and death? You can’t get more final! Throughout writing this book I’ve realised that death is treated like dementia - it’s a taboo subject for many, but it doesn’t make any sense to me. The one thing that is guaranteed to happen to 100% of the world’s population is given so little value. What other thing affects the entire world’s population? The one that took me by surprise was a very strong opponent of assisted dying. I listened as she went through her arguments and was surprised how weak they were. But what surprised me more was the fact that she didn’t listen to me with the same courtesy I showed her. She was so convinced she was right -- that there was no argument ‘for’, even though I had one. I think her main argument was that we should ensure we get palliative care right for all, but my opinion was ignored. Of course, we should get palliative care right and accessible to all, but it shouldn’t be either get that right or fight for assisted dying laws - it should be a choice. We as humans should be entitled to a choice of good palliative care until we die or good palliative care that includes assisted dying as an option. We talk so often about prolonging life, but we are actually prolonging death by not discussing the suffering part of it.’

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You have interviewed and met such a wide range of people for this book. What was the conversation that most took you by surprise or the most enlightening? It doesn’t take a poet laureate to realise that these mismatched stripes of grass are a powerful metaphor in Mitchell’s increasingly foggy world. “If you accept that the lines won’t be straight then it relaxes the effort of doing things,” she says. “It doesn’t matter any more. It doesn’t matter if they’re wiggly.” Perhaps this has been Mitchell’s biggest mission since she was diagnosed nine years ago: to show us all what she – and the more than 850,000 people who also have dementia in the UK – can do in spite of the odds.

Talking about the future enables us to live in the now, Mitchell argues. It eradicates the “what ifs”. At the heart of Mitchell’s third book are her two daughters: “the most important people in my life”. None of these conversations have been easy to have with them, she readily admits. That said, what would be the alternative? “Imagine the distress I could cause if I could no longer speak and could only watch things happening. Imagine the sadness of them falling out and not being able to reconcile. Imagine the trauma I would have caused for them both in my death if we haven’t talked.” What I want this book to do is open up everyone’s minds on the importance of talking,” Mitchell explains as we discuss the many discourses in her book, each one centring on death, dying and living well – however long you might have left. In a country where two-thirds of UK adults haven’t written a will, Mitchell is intent on probing all angles of death: how we can prepare for it, how we should talk about it with our loved ones and why making our own choices – about how and when we die – should be a right, not a crime. Rather than make her feel vulnerable, these conversations have only strengthened her. “It could even be as simple as: cremation or burial? I’ve realised since writing, many people don’t even know that about the closest person to them, because they’re uncomfortable having that conversation.” The last book from bestselling author and advocate Wendy Mitchell and co-authored by The Book Room founder, Anna Wharton According to a 2021 report, Public Attitudes to Death and Dying in the UK, 51 per cent of people don’t think we talk enough about death and dying as a society. While 70 per cent feel notionally comfortable enough to do so, only 14 per cent actually have. Many of us still haven’t made a will. There are now initiatives, like so-called death cafés, along with end of life doulas, “to help people make the most of their finite lives”. This is all indicative of progress, Mitchell agrees, but it’s still too slow, and not enough. “To properly prepare for your death,” she argues, “really is the greatest gift you can give your children”.

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What more was there to be afraid of when she faced her worst fear: losing her own mind? While living with her diagnosis and facing the extreme changes that come along with a progressive terminal illness, Wendy wrote two Sunday Times-bestselling books, went skydiving for the first time and supports multiple dementia advocacy groups in the UK. She is known for talking about living with dementia, but now – while she is still able to – she explores dying with it. In One Last Thing, Wendy embarks on a journey to explore all angles of death: how we can prepare for it, how we talk about it with our loved ones and how we can be empowered to make our own choices.

There is something uniquely disquieting about opening what’s billed as “the final book” of an author who, although alive, is preparing for imminent death. One Last Thing by Wendy Mitchell is just such a book. I say “imminent”, but only in the sense that as Mitchell recounts her rapid physical and intellectual declinem due to young-onset vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, she knows that time, her time, is running out. This clear-eyed call to arms makes it evident that Mitchell will do her damnedest to die on her own terms. fears melted away. What more was there to be afraid of when she faced her worst fear: losing her own mind?Ultimately this is going to continue to be a long road of political debate and not something that is likely to be available in the very near future. It raises powerful emotions from those on both sides of the argument of assisted death. Wendy Mitchell doesn't fear anything anymore. After her diagnosis of young-onset dementia in 2014, all of Wendy's old fears - the dark, animals - melted away. What more was there to be afraid of when she faced her worst fear: losing her own mind? One of the most frequently-cited problems around assisted dying is that it might be unduly influenced by nefarious relatives whose primary focus is inheritance or money. Mitchell argues that these are, in fact, “extreme cases, and pretty rare”. Besides, she adds, “terminally ill people are being taken advantage of all the time by relatives while they’re still alive”. As I read this book, I am reminded of the conversations we each need to have (and some of us avoid) about choices. Yes, many of us have wills and make provisions for funeral arrangements and for dependents, some of us have advance care directives (or are thinking about it). Those of us avoiding these issues and discussions assume that we will have time and will have the ability to make such decisions. But ability to make such decisions cannot be taken for granted: a brain injury, mental incapacity or advanced dementia might intervene.