Unshame: Healing trauma-based shame through psychotherapy

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Unshame- healing trauma-based shame through psychotherapy By Carolyn Spring. Carolyn Spring Publishing (2019) Carolyn’s clarity of thought comes through in her writing. As a therapist I have often struggled to fully understand how to help overcome shame. Having read Unshame I see that the functions of shame; to avoid connecting with others, avoid feeling worthy of help and keeping emotionally isolated are all quite disabling for any survivor, making recovery from shame very difficult to even contemplate let alone begin. The author, Carolyn Spring, writes about her 9 years experience of psychotherapy. She focuses on her insights into her shame. Carolyn experienced extreme traumatic abuse during her childhood and has used her recovery and the knowledge she has acquired during and since this to support others. She tours with her training seminars supporting therapists, like myself and has researched, created and designed ‘psycho-educational tools’, books and on-line resources which help survivors of abuse.

Introducing the idea of developing a ‘drill’ (a pre-planned sequence of responses) when shame is triggered. Exploring the need in working with shame to meet rather than shame needs and how such needs can be met ethically. The Body Remembers- The psycho-physiology of trauma and trauma treatment By Babette Rothschild. W.W Norton and Company LTD (2000) Captivating – I was captivated by this book. I’m amazed by how Carolyn so clearly explains such difficult subject matter and ultimately this is a story of hope that I believe will help many people.”Understanding that to work effectively with shame there is a neurobiological sequence, from changing our state to changing our stance to changing our story.

I know this, because my life has been crippled by shame. Join me on this course where I combine the latest neuroscience insights with my own personal narrative of a journey towards ‘unshame’. Exploring the concept of sharing our shame stories to defuse them, but only to people who have earned the right to hear them.I think shame is principally shifted via right-brain mechanisms – compassionate presence, empathy, attunement. But we’re not just right-brain people. We have both hemispheres for a reason, and they support each other. So when we use psychoeducation, which is principally focused on the left side of our brain, when we learn about shame, about the three zones of the trauma traffic light and how shame resides principally in the red zone … when we learn the strategies of abusers, who are acting ‘shamelessly’ to transfer the shame and responsibility of their abuse to their victims … when we understand these concepts, it can really support us to be open to right-brain experiences. As a psychotherapist I benefited most from reading how Carolyn grappled with her thoughts, and the insights that arose. I did a lot of reflecting regarding the therapy I offer my clients, reaffirming that trusting process is both important for therapist and client. It is not a book which adds to knowledge that is already available, such as the work of Babette Rothschild in particular, but it does demonstrate it working in practice. Loved this course. Carolyn’s honesty and openness in sharing her story is inspirational. The length of each section was perfect to be able to study in bite-sized chunks and to allow for reflection after each part. Value for money excellent. Really easy to use. I will use what I have learned both in my work with clients but also in my own personal journey in defeating my own shame gremlins – thank you, Carolyn.” Deeply therapeutic– Carolyn Spring uncovers shame and its workings very gently, holding the shamed heart tenderly and with respect. A deeply therapeutic and healing experience to read this book and being taken on a journey to uncover shame and discovering hope, self worth and a way out from under. Thank you so much for this fantastic book.” And for me it was fascinating too because again it was so spot on. So my top strengths are creativity, love of learning, humour and curiosity. I read a lot, I write a lot, I learn a lot, and I laugh a lot – that’s pretty accurate! And it has nothing to do with trauma. So I’m a person separate from my trauma – that was absolutely fundamental for me to understand, and for me to be able to start building on those strengths and appreciating myself for them, rather than always looking at what’s wrong with me, how defective I am, how messed up, how broken.

I found this course to be comprehensive in all aspects of mind, body, emotions. I have worked with clients for years on toxic shame and this course taught me things I had no idea about before and which have transformed the quality of the therapy I now provide to clients suffering with toxic/unhealthy shame.” Introducing the concept of shame’s impacts on relationships via a shutdown of the ‘social engagement system’.

Now that I've finished, feel... emotionally flayed, but also grateful, seen, vindicated. I admire very much how she's able to be so intensely vulnerable in the hope of helping others. I mean, this woman gets me, down to the marrow without exception. Exploring the concept, having focused firstly on changing both state and stance, of changing the ‘story’ survivors have around shame. My new book ‘ Unshame’ really looks at shame in the context of the therapy room. Because I really wanted to write a book about shame, but it’s difficult to write one head-on, so to speak. The danger is that if we talk directly about shame, then even at an unconscious level, we think, ‘I don’t want to know about this. It’s too uncomfortable.’ And shame just doesn’t operate in a left-brain, words-based, concepts-based way. Shame is a relational thing. It’s a right-brain, body-based, neurobiological feeling type thing. So the challenge is how to write a book about shame whilst tapping into the right brain. Because, as I explore at length on my course, shame doesn’t respond well to words. We don’t tend to resolve shame by just changing our mind about it. Very rarely do we just realise that we have nothing to be ashamed of, and then hey presto the shame is gone. Because shame is far more rooted in our bodies than it is in our brains.