I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality

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Instead of perceiving these nuances, a person with BPD might perceive that relationship cues are either “black and white,” “right or wrong,” and “all or nothing. It's the second time I've bought it as I've lent my original copy out so many times I've now lost track of who has it.

If you feel you have the energy, and the person means enough to you to stay, this book will enlighten you about the long haul ahead and how you can help this person without taking on their responsibilities.The solution is provided by the nice, white male Jewish co-worker who she so sadly misunderstood and ends, quite literally, with a round of "Kumbaya. Did your partner waver unpredictably between possessively clinging and hurtfully pushing you away, leaving you utterly confused? Kriesman's (perhaps unconscious) racism is revealed in the story of "Annette," an African American woman whose BPD makes her "too sensitive" to perceived racist slights at her place of work.

One chapter in the books suggests BPD is more prevalent in women because social constructs have changed over the last 80 years, women going from homemakers to being in the workforce. Loneliness, fear of abandonment, impulsive self destructiveness, storminess in relationships, inability to achieve intimacy - these are feelings that we all experience at one time or another.

A statement like “I know just how bad you are feeling” invites a mocking rejoinder that, indeed, you do not know, and only aggravates conflict. Both pharmacological and psychotherapeutic advancements point to real hope for success in the treatment and understanding of BPD. I'd already done some quite intensive reading on BPD so a lot of this was familiar, but there was some interesting new things. They can establish a more solid, trusting identity, leading to inner contentment based in personal interests, relationships based on common ground rather than desperation, and a view of life as a flow of time, rather than a snapshot. Nowhere is this more clear than in a chapter where the author tries to diagnose famous people with BPD, especially actresses he finds beautiful or attractive.

I’m not a psychiatrist but even I KNOW you need to validate people’s feelings, not tell them they’re wrong, ESPECIALLY when you don’t know what they’re going through. I believe this was one of the first widely-published books about BPD, before it became as well-publicised as it is now. Also, Empathy should be expressed in a neutral way with minimal personal reference to the speaker’s own feelings. I Hate You - Don't Leave Me" details a series of non-fictional accounts of the lives and tribulations of those suffering from BPD as well as those immediately around them. If you relate, exploring the significance of splitting in BPD and how to seek support can be valuable.Most of the cut-and-dry science in this book is accurate, but the cut-and-dry science makes up only a very small portion of the book, the rest of which is filled with baseless speculation, Freudian psychoanalysis, just-so stories, and random anecdotes. Because of all this, BPD promises to grow even more prevalent, making it increasingly likely that you will continue to encounter such personalities in the future.

And by journey's end, I was left more learned as well as a less emotionally-charged than when it began. Personal, intimate, lasting relationships become difficult or even impossible to achieve, and deep-seated loneliness, self-absorption, emptiness, anxiety, depression, and loss of self-esteem ensue. In some cases, you might want to break up or know that the relationship is unhealthy but are afraid to be alone. Yet, oddly, when you do praise them, they brush it suspiciously or distrustfully aside, refusing to accept their good qualities, explaining them away.The book blames women too much which is frustrating and the book also neglects to include LGBT families, though I’m confident if the authors included LGBT families they would blame all issues on them (insert eye role). In most cases, these manageable aches and pains contrast with rewarding feelings of intimacy and shared happiness to create a healthy balance.