When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope--Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy

Product Information

Saying no respectfully is an assertiveness skill that is essential to your well- being and happiness. Guilt and resentment often reflect an anxiety around saying no that comes from feeling responsible for the other person’s reaction. He kept saying with amazement in his voice, “If that were me, I would have been looking for the meat in my pockets, underneath the seat in the car, in the closet at home and in the attic! She earned a Master's in Psychology and a Doctorate of Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University. The theory and verbal skills of systematic assertive therapy are a direct outgrowth of working with normal human beings, trying to teach them something about how to cope effectively with the conflicts we all have in living with each other.

When I Say No, I Feel Guilty | Random House Group

But very often, as a result of the unrealistic belief that a healthy person has no problems, you may feel the lifestyle we are all caught up in is not worth living. With no fuel, the other person begins to change their approach towards us and likely becomes calmer and more assertive themselves. As much as we might wish good things for one another, we really do not have the ability to create mental stability, well-being, or happiness for someone else.You can please the people you really care about some of the time, but it's not possible to please every person every time -- and maintain your sanity. It means to respect and affirm your needs and feelings whilst listening to the needs and feelings of others. Our young patient, unfortunately, knew no other way to relate to his stepfather except as the object of criticism or patronage. Smith was surprised to find that despite the 12 weeks of intensive training on how to cope with interpersonal problems, they were still unable to handle the fake farmers. The right to be the final judge of yourself is the prime assertive right which allows no one to manipulate you.

When I say no, I feel guilty by Manuel J. Smith | Open Library When I say no, I feel guilty by Manuel J. Smith | Open Library

She was a nonassertive colleague who learned these skills and attitudes in bits and pieces from me during discussions over lunch or at social functions, and she put them into practice over a period of months. For example, your thoughts may be that ‘I don’t want to go to Christmas at my mother’s, and neither do my children, but my mother wants us there.If you sound emotional, confused, or upset, then the person will sense your weakness and will try to exploit you. When you feel guilt and resentment, you have an opportunity to reflect on whether you are fulfilling your responsibilities in saying ‘no. Right 5 in the bill of assertive rights is you have the right to make mistakes – and be responsible for them.