How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7

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When praising kids, be specific and describe effort; don’t label the child as good or smart or talented (135-146). Describe positives before negatives (148-149). Avoid praising by comparison (162). billion stars. I love this book. I’ve read a lot of parenting books, and this is right up there with the most useful of them (probably first equal with Alfie Kohn’s Unconditional Parenting). Lots of the experts I’ve read pay homage to the How to Talk principles, but none explain it as clearly as this, with useful anecdotes and chapter summaries. Contrived consequences like time-outs and grounding can modify behavior in the short term, but they don’t teach a kid much because you don’t get any buy-in from the kid. It’s a top-down system that demoralizes when what you really want is to enlighten and instruct.

Here are five convincing reasons why adding this book to your collection could greatly benefit you and your Kids who are punished through corporal punishment are more likely to misbehave in the future, according to some studies. Of course, in longitudinal studies of those children, it’s hard to know how much personality/self discipline play into these decisions.Wait for your kid to be calm, then ask the kid to think of some solutions to the problem so it doesn’t happen again (98). I’ve tried this with my kid, and it doesn’t work. My kid just repeats what she wants and doesn’t want to do anything different. I offer suggestions, and she said she doesn’t want to, and she doesn’t care how other kids feel. In an example the authors give, a kid doesn’t like their hair washed, so they come up with the idea to wear goggles in the bath (105-107). It’s a bandaid solution though, because eventually shouldn’t the child learn to take a shower normally without goggles? How are they going to learn if they continue to use this handicap? The kid needs to learn to close their eyes like everyone else. Instead of giving in to your child’s spur of the moment requests for material possessions, write the item down on a wishlist instead to POSSIBLY buy later (20-21). And the reason why this is good advice is because it’s NOT giving the kid what they want, it’s putting off what they want to some unknown date that may never come. Humour is one of the best antidotes to master/slave relationships at work or at home. If you can make your counterparty smile or laugh then you are in a strong position to influence and effect positive change.

Describe your child’s effort – Show him/her that you noticed how hard he/she is trying to complete a task, like tying his/her shoes or buttoning a shirt. Meltdown stopped, my daughter just looked at me as if I'd grown a second head, then again happily waited until food was ready.

Amen. True for adults, too.

Instead of “Don’t leave your mess piled up,” try: “Matthew, think of where you want to store your soccer stuff.” Letting the child fill in the blanks is more likely to create a lasting lesson. 20. When You Talk to Kids Use Rhyme Rules