Good Inside: The new Sunday Times bestselling gentle parenting guide for fans of Philippa Perry

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In this summary, you’ll learn how to use connection-based strategies and find a way to hold your boundaries while teaching your child how to navigate their feelings and experiences without fear, shame, or self-doubt. All of this leads to the final piece of the foundation you need for building better relationships with your children: know your job. Know that it’s your job to hold boundaries, but it’s not your job to change your child’s feelings. When we focus on what’s under the surface, when we give children what they need to be less combustible inside, their behavior will appear less explosive on the outside. By understanding what motivates behavior, we can help kids build resilience and regulate emotions, which will inevitably lead to behavioral changes.” Most generous interpretation

Good Inside with Dr. Becky on Apple Podcasts ‎Good Inside with Dr. Becky on Apple Podcasts

In this way, the good-inside method isn’t about honoring feelings and giving children whatever they want; it’s about honoring feelings and holding boundaries. But maybe parenting shouldn’t revolve around traditional discipline methods and charts. And this summary is here to prove it.Kurcinka, for example, says if your kid doesn’t want to set the table, you do a song-and-dance about it. (Notably, in her example the song-and-dance didn’t help anyway and the kid ran to her room. So not only did the parent have to set the table, they didn’t get to prep the food either because they spent 15 minutes on a futile bonding exercise.) However, Kurcinka doesn't suggest that you follow your child to their room (lest they, God forbid, be "alone in their feelings") or debrief later to analyze their feelings. K, well I’m a parent of three. Here’s how this would go down with my fearful middle kid. He doesn’t want to go in to the birthday party. I validate and reflect his emotions. Now he is convinced that it's scary, since I’m not providing guidance that it’s not. He continues to refuse to go in. Connection-building is ongoing and it creates the best environment for kids to bring their inside good to the outside, but it doesn’t do away with unwanted behaviors. In the next section, let’s talk first about bad behaviors, and then about normal behaviors that look bad. When Disconnection Occurs There are unstated lines to "if you have a problem with anything your kids are doing, you need to work on yourself instead" and "whatever your behavior as a parent is, it's fine as long as you do better later." I got the sense she assumes we're all from the same culture/class/upbringing/etc and knows what isn't being said.

Good Inside Book Review | Dr. Becky Kennedy - Ruth Nuss Good Inside Book Review | Dr. Becky Kennedy - Ruth Nuss

Proverbs 29:15 - The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. Arguably, the most important connection-building technique is something we’ve already discussed: repair. Your goal should never be to avoid relationship ruptures – because that’s impossible. But if you learn the skill of repair, you’ll strengthen your relationships and give your children the skills they need to be resilient in the future. Many parents are worried about behaviors that are completely normal. Shyness, frustration intolerance, food challenges, tears, and perfectionism are all behaviors that occur out of a child’s normal need to find control over their environment. Using an MGI doesn’t make a bad behavior OK. It just helps you see the good kid or adult who is under the behavior. This encourages intervention from a place of seeing our kid as a good kid having a hard time, not a bad kid doing bad things. This mindset difference is everything. 2. Know your job.

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How you handle conflict during these early years teaches your child a lot about themselves. You’re shaping your child’s personality by how you respond to their boundary-pushing, conflict-heavy behaviors. USEFUL BITS: The second half is brilliantly practical, as are the scenarios throughout e.g. when your child refuses to put their coat on, when TV time is up. Even if you don't like the phrasing - they give you food for thought on what you might do differently.

Good Inside: A Practical Guide to Becoming the Parent You

Before we begin, let’s make one point clear: Your child is good inside. No matter what. When he’s hitting his little sister with a shoe, he’s good inside. When she’s telling you she hates you, she’s good inside. Boundaries are not what we tell kids not to do; boundaries are what we tell kids what we will do.” Behavior is a window The traditional parenting way is to push the kid in while saying “It’s fine! It’s a birthday party! You’ll have fun! See you in an hour,” and leave.In this Blink, you’ll learn how to use connection-based strategies and find a way to hold your boundaries while teaching your child how to navigate their feelings and experiences without fear, shame, or self-doubt. Saskaroties ar kaprīžu lēkmēm, vecākiem ir jācenšas palikt mierīgiem, jo mūsu bērnu nespēja sevi noregulēt izraisa mūsos vainas apziņu. Ārēja vainošana vienmēr ir saistīta ar iekšēju vainas izjūtu – ja brīnāmies, kas notiek ar bērnu, tad vienlaikus domājam, kas notiek ar mums pašiem. Var gadīties, ka mēs pat padomājam: “Es neprotu audzināt savu bērnu.” Tā ir sāpīga doma, tik ļoti sāpīga, ka mēs bieži cenšamies apturēt bērna kaprīzes lēkmi, lai vienlaikus pārtrauktu paši savas ciešanas. Tāpēc nākamreiz, kad jūsu bērns sāks trakot, pirms ķeraties pie kāda cita paņēmiena, pasakiet sev: “Ar mani viss ir kārtībā. Ar manu bērnu viss ir kārtībā. Es varu ar to tikt galā.”