Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

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In my opinion, the book could've been much stronger if the author had taken more time with the book. It feels rushed in many ways, including the fact that she's admittedly still dealing with a lot of the things that she's speaking as an expert on. Join #1 New York Times bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst as she helps you stop the dysfunction of unhealthy relationships by showing you biblical ways to set boundaries--and, when necessary, say goodbye--without losing the best of who you are. But after thousands of life-changing hours of counseling intensives and extensive theological research that transformed the way she defined healthy relationships, Lysa is now more committed than ever to loving people well without compromising her own well-being. In Good Boundaries and Goodbyes , Lysa gives you the tools you need to do the same. Is it unloving or selfish to set a boundary? Are Christians ever called to walk away from a relationship that’s no longer safe or sustainable? Lysa has asked these hard questions in the midst of her own relational struggles.

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes Study Guide plus Streaming Video

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes explores how people can have healthier relationships by establishing relational boundaries with their partners, family, and friends. Partway through reading the book, I learned that the author was writing from the experience of her painful divorce. Reading through this lens, I saw how Terkeurst uses the pain from her experience to help people develop more meaningful relationships. Her main message is that proper boundaries help a person discern whether a relationship is helpful or harmful - if harmful, she then discusses the importance of letting go. Through boundaries, a person invites others to choose between loving them by respecting the boundaries or harming them further; those who continue hurting the relationship effectively choose ending it. In Terkeurst’s words, “Boundaries protect the right kind of love and help prevent dysfunction from destroying that love. Boundaries help us say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done, and establish what is and isn’t acceptable.” The point of Good Boundaries and Goodbyes is to teach the reader that it is necessary to develop boundaries with one’s closest relationships. I also got the sense from this book that Terkeurst is here to fight for her readers and their well-being. Early on, she states, “This isn’t a book about leaving people. It’s a book about loving people in the right and healthy ways. And it’s about communicating appropriate boundaries and parameters so that love can stay safe and sustainable.” Terkeurst does suggest that a person leave those who refuse to respect their boundaries, but this is a last resort. But overall, she encourages her readers to see worth in themselves and to fight for their relationships in healthy ways.Be equipped to say goodbye without guilt when a relationship has shifted from difficult to destructive and is no longer sustainable

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes | Lysa TerKeurst

Despite the book seemingly being born out of her trauma, Terkeurst does not focus on her situation; she does not discuss any overly personal details, and she avoids painting anyone in a bad light. Instead, Terkeurst comes across like a therapist for whatever the reader is going through in their relationships. Terkeurst focuses on what’s happening inside the reader and helps them work through their experiences in a healthy way. Join #1 New York Times bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst as she helps you stop the dysfunction of unhealthy relationships by showing you biblical ways to set boundaries--and, when necessary, say goodbye--without losing the best of who you are. I highly recommend! I went into reading this book unsure of what I would glean, but knowing that I needed to read it. This book offers so many thought provoking sentences and paragraphs. There are so many things to highlight, study along-side the truth of God’s Word, and ponder deeply. I ended my reading feeling more assure of who I am in Christ, and non-apologetic about the boundaries that need to be set in my life for the good of myself and little family as a whole. Early in the book, Terkeurst writes, “I’ll be with you as we trust God to lead us through every word and every step. And you’ll also hear from my Christian counsellor Jim Cress, who will weigh in with therapeutic insights throughout the book.” The book applies current best practices in therapy and relationship counselling to its subject matter. Additionally, it heavily relies on biblical teachings and narratives to help reinforce each point. Most of the book comes from Terkeurst’s personal experiences, and these outside sources support her main topics. Terkeurst does not present any false information; however, her interpretation of the Christian scriptures is sometimes questionable. (I don’t think it’s fair to say her interpretations are wrong. I only mean that someone could argue for a compelling interpretation that contradicts what Terkeurst sometimes.) Nevertheless, the book seems accurate in what it teaches and encourages the reader to learn.

Be equipped to say goodbye without guilt when a relationship has shifted from difficult to destructive and is no longer sustainable. One way to really protect yourself from bad relationships is to build your relationship with God by spending time working on yourself. Sometimes when we don’t understand ourselves and our needs, we worry that God won’t be enough to fill the emptiness we’re feeling. This can lead to seeking out that fulfillment in other people. Here are a few phrases/sentences that completely altered my state of thinking and helped me further combat the ever life debilitating tendency of people-pleasing that I have struggled with for so long: As a whole, this book is okay. Some readers may find it incredibly empowering, but others - including myself - would get more out of other books on the same topic. I would only recommend this book to its target audience; for all others, I recommend Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, which covers the same material, but from a more logically driven perspective. Terkeurst’s book feels tailored to processing emotions and developing/maintaining close relationships (or letting them go). Cloud and Townsend write in a more instructional manner, first explaining what boundaries are, why they are important, and how they can be used as tools. I do not think Terkeurst is a poor author by any means, but she has a specific target audience in mind as she writes this book, and those outside of that group are less likely to be impacted by her words. I don't know how to rate this book, so here's my thoughts after having read the first ~70% and skimming the rest.

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing

Determine the appropriate amount of personal and emotional access someone has to you based on how responsible they'll be with that access. by Lysa TerKeurst | Dec 21, 2022 | Blog, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Online Bible StudiesAs I wrote my new book, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, I thought of you with every word I typed. I thought about the comments and direct messages I receive with your stories. The heartbreak. The tears. The relational hardships that seem never-ending. The greatest... Determine the appropriate amount of personal and emotional access someone has to you based on how responsible they'll be with that accessBut other people will never be able to fill that empty feeling inside of you. Only God can do that. So the foundation of any good relationship has to start with you having a good relationship with yourself and with God. Stop being misled and emotionally paralyzed by wrongly interpreted or weaponized scriptures that perpetuate unhealthy dynamics in difficult relationships Is it unloving or selfish to set a boundary? Are Christians ever called to walk away from a relationship that’s no longer safe or sustainable? Lysa TerKeurst deeply understands these hard questions in the midst of relational struggles.

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing

And you also have to see yourself as being just as sufficient for God’s love as other people are. If you’re giving too much in your relationships because you believe it’s the Christian thing to do, you’re not alone in your misunderstanding of Christ’s command to forgive – more on that in a little while.Overcome the frustrating cycle of ineffective boundary-setting with realistic scripts and practical strategies to help you communicate, keep, and implement healthier patterns. On the bright side, her ending was powerful and brought me to tears. I also enjoyed the section at the end with Scripture verses and how to interpret them in healthy ways. But those nuggets of wisdom weren’t enough to overcome the rest of the book. It feels like it's written to a very niche audience (wives struggling to draw boundaries in regard to their repeatedly unfaithful husbands), but marketed to a much broader audience. It’s my responsibility not to let another’s personal actions and expectations wear me down to the worst version of myself.”