The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children

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In contrast, I find that today many children are being taught that some arbitrary “success” in career and academics is the only acceptable standard. We are training up anxious and over-stressed children and young adults who are driven in unhealthy ways to constantly compare themselves to others — and probably find themselves wanting. Indulgent parents don’t like to say “no” if they can help it. They tend not to enforce rules consistently and avoid giving punishments. Indulgent parents encourage open communication and self-expression. Uninvolved parenting I will explain why, and also offer a small critique. But first the good stuff: This book will make you take another look at your role as a parent – what is it that you have to do? And it will make you take another look at your own childhood – what did your parents do?

Because maybe they weren’t taught by their parents and were always ignored. Perhaps their parents were just too busy that they ignored them and never made them feel important. Ultimately, debates provide clarity, if both parties are willing to change for the better future. Lesson #7: Accept the unique talents of your child. Dr. Tsabary’s approach focuses on mindfulness or “engaged presence,” which can be difficult to define, but which is impossible when you are caught up in your own emotional struggles. When children rebel, they are not craving a lesson, but teaching one. Parents are usually faced with the following choice: to either heed the call to increased consciousness and become a better mother or father than their own, or misinterpret their children’s behavior and continue replicating the bad parenting patterns they grew up hating. In fact, education is not about how much you have scored. It’s more about how much you have understood and how much you can apply in your life.Dr. Tsabary advocates for “being”as opposed to “doing,” which may be “an attempt to assuage our sense of incompleteness.” (p. 142) Parents contribute a lot to that conditioning. If they are not aware of how their actions are impacting their child’s mental health or overall development, it can be difficult to predict if the child will reach their highest potential in the future. Lesson #4: Don’t try to be a perfect parent; just become more conscious with each passing moment. It is a process of self-discovery and inner transformation. By becoming more conscious and aware, you can become the best version of yourself, and in turn, be a better parent to your children.

Because we weren’t taught by either our parents or society to access our inner stillness and find the roots of our pain and pleasure within ourselves, we are reactive to external circumstances. Since we didn’t learn to simply observe our emotions, honor them, sit with them, and grow from them, our response to external stimuli became increasingly emotionally toxic, which is the root of our cyclones of drama. When we are raised to suppress our darker emotions, these emotions form a shadow from which we are cut off. When emotions are split from our consciousness, they lie dormant, ready to be activated at a moment’s notice, which is why so many of us erupt out of the blue. Whenever these emotions are triggered by another’s shadow, we find ourselves upset with the person who evoked these emotions in us. Again, let me emphasize that no one could evoke such emotions in us were they not already part of our shadow.” Conscious parenting, however, is distinct from all these styles. Conscious parents are both supportive and responsive, and they may set high expectations. However, those expectations are based on what the child wants and their unique needs. Many conscious parenting experts emphasize raising children without the need for parental approval. The idea is to empower them to grow within healthy boundaries and become independent thinkers. With the right attitude, parenting can be a wonderful experience that will help you and your children grow and reach their highest potential. That’s why conscious parenting is all about oneness, which, in turn, stems from the ideas of sameness and partnership. Conscious parenting sees children as “mirrors of their parents’ forgotten selves” and advises parents to veer into the mirror so they can “establish a relationship with their own inner state of wholeness.” Only then will a parent be able to enter into communion with their children, “shifting away from the traditional parent-to-child ‘know it all’ approach and more towards a mutual parent-with-child relationship.” Parents and their egos If you need your children to feel better about yourself, you will engage far more often in judging them, rather than accepting them.I ask to be released from the notion that I have any power or jurisdiction over my child's spirit. I release my child from the need to obtain my approval, as well as from the fear of my disapproval. I will give my approval freely as my child has earned this right. I ask for the wisdom to appreciate the sparkle of my child ordinariness. I ask for the ability not to base my child's being on grades or milestones reached. I ask for the grace to sit with my child each day and simply revel in my child's presence. I ask for a reminder of my own ordinariness and the ability to bask in its beauty. I'm not here to judge or approve my child's natural state. I'm not here to determine what course my child's life should take. I'm here as my child's spiritual partner. My child's spirit is infinitely wise and will manifest itself in exactly the way it's meant to. My child's spirit will reflect the manner in which I am invited to respond to my own essence.” Parenting isn’t something that you do “to” your child. It’s an accumulation of interactions. Like any other relationship, it requires taking actions that build trust, open the lines of communication, and develop affinity for one another. 3. Look at the bigger picture Why start with your own behavior? Well, our life experiences dictate how and why we do everything that we do — including, and maybe especially, raising children. Many of us, whether consciously or unconsciously, repeat patterns that we learned from our parents. Even more unsettling, our childhood traumas tend to inform our decision-making without us being aware of it. Key elements of conscious parenting

Raising children in our crazy world has never been harder. Dr. Shefali’s classic The Conscious Parent was a game changer that introduced me to the idea of intentional and self-aware parenting. And with The Parenting Map, she has done what seemed impossible, she’s given us the playbook! For parents with kids of all ages, The Parenting Map is the solution-oriented guide you have been looking for to raise independent, authentic, and happy children.” This all depends on how often you plan to wash them, the age of the child and if you plan to cloth full or part time. But I was very wrong. This book has helped me learn how not to over react and to stop trying to fix everything. It is also the book every parent should read if they want to understand what parenting is actually about. 12min tipDespite her best intentions, Anya entrapped Jessica in the psychological inheritance she had received from her parents, binding her to a debilitating legacy of emotional aloofness and wasted love. When Jessica tried to break free from these confines, she was actually doing a service to Anya, because “through her antisocial behavior, she was facilitating her mother in finally expressing all that had been trapped inside her for decades.” Parenting starts and ends with parents In truth, as Tsabary realized after a series of sessions with mother and daughter, Jessica was merely “screaming for the release Anya could never claim for herself. She was the flag bearer of her mother’s unfought war. Though she appeared ‘bad’ in the eyes of the public, she was in truth being a dutiful daughter, enacting her mother’s unlived past for her.” The reason it is critical to discuss this is that today it’s common for children to defy their parents. Turning the traditional notion of parenting on its head, Dr Tsabary shifts the epicentre of the parent-child relationship away from the standard parent-to-child 'know it all' approach to a mutual 'parent-with-child' relationship in which the parent learns alongside the child. New parents — especially type-A parents — often have a hard time accepting the messiness and unpredictability of parenting. Your kids are individuals, whether you love it or not — but you can love them no matter what. Accept that while things may not be perfect, they are what they are, and move forward without making the situation, your kids, or yourself wrong for it. Bottom line

Plenty of examples are given to explain why self-realization should be at the center of parenting instead of demonstrating who is the boss. Put bluntly, the level of self-reflection that conscious parenting requires is pretty uncommon. Typically, people only develop that kind of introspection after years of therapy or working with a coach. Conscious parenting works best when parents have done the Inner Work TM to be more curious about their emotional state. It’s messyWhen a teenager starts rebelling the way Jessica did, even parents more conscious than Anya react by reasserting their dominance. The more children protest, the more controlling parents become. They don’t realize that rather than solving the problem, they are actually worsening it because they aren’t really treating the root cause of their children’s behavior. The Conscious Parent Company is for Mums and Dads who want to make considered choices for their little ones today, to build them a better tomorrow. The more we hone this ability to meet life in a neutral state, without attributing “goodness” or “badness” to what we are encountering, but simply accepting its as-is-ness, the less our need to interpret every dynamic as if it were about us. Our children can then have their tantrums without triggering us, and we can correct their behavior without dumping on them our own residual resentment, guilt, fear, or distrust.” You need a license to buy a dog, drive a car, and even catch a fish; but they’ll let just anyone be a parent. So says a character played by Keanu Reeves in the 1989 Ron Howard comedy, “Parenthood.” Nothing has changed since: anyone can bring another human being into the world, but not everyone can raise this being into a healthy and fully functioning individual.