Woman in the Wilderness: My Story of Love, Survival and Self-Discovery

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That was the last thing I wanted to do. Nothing meant boredom, the dreaded void, horrible emptiness. Nothing was the unknown and I had discovered I was afraid of it - this was the fear I would have to face in the many weeks to come.

When the wild horses saw us, they fled like wary deer. Their long manes and tails flew up in the air as they galloped at full speed inland. It was a remarkable sight. Horses are naturally very elegant, but these wild ones were indescribably magnificent. These free horses almost felt like a gift from Ninety Mile Beach. (c) We will be so careful, and I will write you long letters. We’ll meet hunters who will post them for me.’

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I suddenly felt the world expanding. Everything was beautiful and made sense. It occurred to me that the meaning of life lies in aimlessness: when there is no focus at all, the world opens up. When I entered Lothlórien, it suddenly seemed ludicrous to hurry. There was absolutely no logical reason to be so hasty; in fact, it was safer to go slowly. I stopped, looked at the beauty around me and realised that I did everything at great speed. It was an automatic response to my life in school and the workplace. Nature, however, had plenty of time. I discarded the invisible whip. (c)

Somehow I had forgotten what I looked like, because Peter’s face had become more familiar to me than my own. We walked to the rhythm of the rolling waves. On our left were endless dunes; on our right the infinite ocean. Our surroundings didn’t change for days on end, yet we were amid the most ancient movement of the earth: the eternal flow of the tides, coming and going with the rhythm of the moon. The wind seemed to drive the salty mist on ahead of us. We could never reach it, yet we were always in it. Nothing ever stopped the sea or the waves, the wind or clouds or beach. None of it had stopped since the beginning of time. It kept moving, and it kept us moving. (c) Whilst Miriam’s act of living as a nomad isn’t radical in a global context, for a privileged, middle class, urbanised individual to choose that lifestyle is definitely a radical decision. For starters, Davidson says, she was young in the late 60s and 70s, when anything seemed possible. “Everything was about freedom and risk and testing and pushing and seeing who you were and who you could be and refusing to accept the restrictions of the time and the past. It was a heady and wonderful time to be young.” She thinks the film suggests that a young woman had to be unstable rather than adventurous to undertake such a challenge. “They made Mia, that darling actress who is still a dear friend, too troubled and grumpy. There’s not enough jokes in the film. Not enough pleasure, I suppose.” Despite her bleakness, she does have a huge sense of fun. In a way, rivers are kinds of beings too,’ he said. ‘Lakes and pools are calm, the river is busy, the ocean endless, yet they are all of the same essence. Water is a symbol of the eternal.’This book tells her story, including the very practical aspects of such a life: her difficulties learning to hunt with a bow and arrow, struggles to create a warm environment in which to live, attempts to cross raging rivers safely and find ways through the rugged mountains and dense bush. This is interwoven with her adjustment to a very slow pace of life, her relationship with her much older husband, her thoughtful observations of the few other people they encounter in this time, and her growing awareness of a strong spiritual connection to the natural world. While we talked, I realised how, in nature, everything is living: the trees, birds, animals, and even fire and the weather are lively. Everything exists in relation to everything else. A house, on the other hand, with its totally indoors environment, is quite dead by comparison.

It’s a kind of permanent yearning, but it also gives me the energy to keep aiming for an ever-moving goalpost.’ I told her about the day I had seen the chamois and realised that real beauty lies in being not becoming. It had made perfect sense in the wilderness, but I now saw that in civilisation everything was about comparison. Did she always think she’d survive the crossing? She shakes her head. Before the trip she was warned that if she was approached by bull camels she must shoot first and think later. “All they want is a female camel and they will do anything to get it, including killing you.” One day three bulls approached. “I shot two dead and only wounded the third, who ran off and would have had a very slow and miserable death.” How did you feel that night? “Pretty bloody awful but you just do what you have to do.” I could see how I interpreted, judged and analysed my own thoughts, thereby restricting my own mind. I realised that these social rules were made in the past, and had nothing to do with the ever-changing present.

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The woman fled into the wilderness, where she had a place prepared by God, to be nourished there for 1,260 days. And the woman fled into the wilderness where she had a place prepared by God, so that there she might be nourished for one thousand two hundred and sixty days. Miriam and Peter often use the word “trapped” to describe how other people live. They never intend to have children and rely on another modern innovation – Miriam’s IUD – to make sure they don’t. They say it would be impossible to live in the wild with kids. So are kids a trap? “For us it would be a trap,” says Miriam. “You have to have a regular income. You have to settle down.” She laughs: “It scares me just thinking about it.” Miriam describes how men they do meet on their travels will often suddenly open up about their personal lives: “They say they wish their wives would come out hunting with them or if they had a choice again, they would never have children. That was the end of their freedom, they say.” Men we meet say if they had a choice again, they would never have children. That was the end of their freedom, they say