Vainqueur the Dragon

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Our chaplain is away on a diplomatic mission.” The marquise then turned to whisper to the same knight as before. “Tell our cooks to prepare a feast for King Vainqueur. The ‘troublesome guest’ kind, with the special ingredient.” Victor gave him a strange, incredulous look. “Reprimand the… I don’t know Your Majesty, I’m not a religious guy. Maybe we could ask a bishop.” Vainqueur’s minion reappeared behind the protective barrier, trapping them between their own shield and himself.

So in respect for the author and their work, I am going to start pasting this along with a generic review I found somewhere. “This was a fun book. I am glad that I read it. You should try it too.” She’s…” Victor struggled to find his words. “Damn, she’s a catkin. And here I thought she would be hot.” No wonder that Marquise lowered herself to hire thieves. Vainqueur too would be bitter at living in a palace with only one tower. Berserk Button: Vainqueur literally gains the Berserk status after Furibon transmutes his gold to lead. Wotan let out a wail of fury and pain, losing his focus as he put his free hand on his face. “Stay,” Vainqueur raised a fist and punched Wotan with all his might. “Down!”I had to fly two hours to get here,” Vainqueur emphasized his pain, “Two. Hours. I burned pounds of fat and smelled the dung of your peasants coming to this place.” Of course not,” Vainqueur said, horrified that the thought even crossed his mind. “She is worth more than gold to me, no matter how much I spoiled her.”

Liar!” Vainqueur roared, his voice causing the ceiling to tremble, “You must have fought past an army of goblins to get there!” These good for nothing upstarts? They always claim they made the world when everyone knows dragons did it first. Tell me where I can find and reprimand them.” A mere excuse to hide their duplicity!” Vainqueur illuminated his minion’s mind, dispelling his idealistic delusions. “They must be stealing as much gold as they can before they escape! We must find them!”Off the bat, holy balls, this is good! What “There Is No Epic Loot Here, Only Puns” is for dungeon core stories Vainqueur is for general LitRPG. This is primo satire, boys and girls. Something that the genre has only toyed with, by and large.

Brains and Brawn: He's the brains to Vainqueur's brawn. While Vainqueur is one of the most powerful entities around, his intelligence stat is a paltry 14 even after he starts Level Grinding. Victor does his best to steer Vainqueur's greed and ego in a more favorable direction for the dragon's benefit and that of others. Since the fairy obviously controlled his puppet with his pipe, the dragon turned to the dreadful musician’s direction and shot a fireball at him. Once again, the Runemaster shielded him and the other annoyances with a barrier.Celestial Bureaucracy: Between summoned demons acting as magical tech support and Angels acting like insurance salesmen . . . No… the System had given him vision; the unthinkable will to lay down his life for the sake of his species' survival. Bargain with Heaven: Angels sell literal "heaven insurance" plans, deducting a portion of customers' SP each month to put toward good causes in exchange for ensuring access to heaven after they die. Low karma scores require more expensive plans, though.

Plot Armor: Parodied in the form of the literal Plot Armor, which makes its wearer effectively immortal as long as they remain Good-aligned. It's also origami made from cheesy writing, and it forces its wearer to spout equally cheesy True Companions-related lines. Monster Adventurers: For a different reason from usual. Vainqueur does not feel the need to move up the food chain. But I am cutting her out of my will, and you too, for the sake of fairness. I will keep everything for myself.” No, no, his friend would never do that. That was his imagination. But his shiny-ing told him there was only one way to be sure. “Minion,” Vainqueur presented him his royal free hand. “Kiss my claw.”Not as hot as me,” Vainqueur rolled his eyes at his chief of staff’s naivety. “You are too easily impressed, minion. My breath burns brighter than the sun. You have seen it. Of course, she would be lukewarm in comparison.” Manling Victor fell silent, crushed by his shame. Finally, he understood that in failing to keep the monstrous lich imprisoned, all the countless atrocities the goldslayer would commit shall be on his head.