Booked it, Packed it, Fucked Off: A 120 Page Travel Journal

Product Information

Are you there for Presidents Day? We have been and just avoided MK for the weekend (we went to AK and shopping/Outlets instead). He has gone on to be a great success with more stand-ups gigs, TV programs including the brilliant ‘Phoenix Nights’, ‘Max & Paddy’s Road to Nowhere’ and ‘That Peter Kay Thing’. And don’t forget to couple of charity songs he has released including Amarillo. Appreciating the absolute carnage that is probably ongoing now in the rush for UK tourists to book stuff, I feel quite smug that we have pretty much everything in the bag for prices we can tolerate. The question is would we drive or would we fly? And if we drove would we get the ferry to France?! Being the son of a pilot the husband is very much a plane geek, something he is passing onto our boys. I thought his choice would always be plane. I mean, a plane gets you there in what seems like a shorter amount of time (when you discount the airport wait!) but as he rightly points out there are all the extra waiting times you need to add in. The wait at the airport. The wait to hire a car. The need to hire (often scummy) car seats. No if we actually bite the bullet and go to France we are going old school. We would be taking the ferry to France, going the way of my childhood, and rather than my rambling on as to why this infographic from Brittany Ferries sums it up rather well.

Typhoon Lagoon (whoomp! Arrgghh! 🤭) has been open in January, they didn’t (pre covid!) close for refurbishments until nearer the end of the month and it was warm enough for swimming. Peter Kay has gone on to be incredibly successful, this is where his stand up days all began and seeing him looking so young really makes me feel old! It’s funny what seeing one overfilled boot of a car can do to you. Muttering to the Husband that it was a good job we weren’t flying off anywhere because what we do with ALL THAT STUFF?! A short drive and unload to our holiday home 30 minutes later, with further mutterings from the husband on whether we actual needed ALL THAT STUFF, an afternoon of exploring we got the kids to bed, popped the Prosecco, lit the log fire and settled down to play scrabble and chat. My winning scrabble board Our travelling party is quite a large one for this trip. Louise and I are of course going, joined by Rebecca, Tom and Freddie (who are traveling out a few days earlier than everyone else), Emily and her boyfriend Mikey and my Mum and Dad. It is a mini-invasion of Gran Canaria.Johan Lundgren, the easyJet chief executive, said: “We have consistently seen that there is pent-up demand for travel and this surge in bookings shows the signal from the government that it plans to reopen travel has been what UK consumers have been waiting for.” This would not be our ideal time of year of course. Temperatures will be much lower than we prefer but at this point that does not matter. Again, for reasons I will not trouble you with, if we were not to take this chance, it would be very unlikely we could fit a trip in during 2022 and having not been since mid 2019 this would be very upsetting indeed, indeed probably totally unacceptable. The Thomas Cook chief executive, Alan French, said: “The government’s announcement is good news for those of us desperate to get away on holiday. While we await more details, it’s clear that the government’s ambition is to open up international travel in the coming months and hopefully in time for the summer holidays.” My mind began to do its work, thinking about when we may be able to get over there. I won’t bore you with all the details, but the logistics of getting six of us (at least) away at the same time, balancing everyone’s work, life plans, other commitments and of course finances is on a par with undertaking a moon landing.

Within a few days of doing so, a volcano in The Canaries that has laid dormant for half a century suddenly became active. Sure, it doesn’t currently seem likely to affect our plans but we don’t know for certain and my head shaking was incessant at the “you couldn’t write it” aspect of this. Here is a collection of funnies from this top British comedian, Mr Peter Kay. Below that you can also take a peep at a video of him in action. Holidays that were my normal, that didn’t involve a plane, or an airport. Sometimes a big fancy train but more often than not a big boat. The ferry to France. On choppy seas. Spiriting us away from the rain of England and depositing us in the rain in France. Which was better rain. Less rain-y rain. Holiday rain so it was all OK. Having moved our Florida trip four or five times (I have honestly lost count) when the last cancellation happened I did jettison my toys from the stroller a little and instead of moving it, I cancelled everything. Breaking the habit of a couple of decades, off I went and booked a holiday to another country, crucially nowhere near the US. What could go wrong?As part of the government’s planned easing of Covid-19 restrictions, Boris Johnson said a travel taskforce would set out plans on 12 April on the return to international travel “so people can plan for the summer”. The ban on international travel will not be lifted until 17 May at the earliest, however, which means Easter breaks are off the table. With the changes announced late last week, that test before flying home is now not required and we just need to do the one within two days of arriving home. At least now the risk of being stranded overseas due to a positive test is removed, although of course we would not travel with COVID should we actually have it!

If you haven’t already got one booked, now’s the time to start thinking about your summer holiday! It’s only a few short months until the school summer holidays, so if you have a family don’t wait any longer to start thinking about booking a break somewhere hot. It’s done. We are booked for an overseas holiday and surely with just two weeks to go, not even the raging incompetence of our government can scupper those plans now? I mean, according to their latest “dead cat” nonsense leak to the press, I may have to convert my GBP to Pounds, Shillings and Pence before then paying for some Euros if they have their way, but by hook or by crook (and they are all that) we should be on that plane. Tui, Ryanair, Thomas Cook and Jet2holidays also reported a sharp rise in demand. Tui, the world’s largest travel company, said breaks in Greece, Spain and Turkey from July onwards were the most booked overnight, with bookings up 500%. It won’t surprise anyone reading this to learn that I have a well developed persecution complex. Most weeks, despite living a largely untroubled and privileged life, I can find something to moan about. I often trot out the phrases “you couldn’t write it” or “you couldn’t make it up” to bemoan whatever the latest minor upset might be. However, after what has been a troubled couple of years holiday wise, the events of the last week or so really have been comedic.

Andrew Flintham, the managing director of Tui UK and Ireland, said: “The announcement from the prime minister was positive and shows that by working with the travel industry on a risk-based framework our customers will have the opportunity to travel abroad this summer. We will continue to work closely with the government so people can look forward to a well-deserved break away, after what has been a very difficult year for many.” Thankfully, the box office were able to reprint them and we got in, but it did feel like we had forgotten how to operate in these matters. This does not auger well for the logistical exercise of getting to a different country with everything we need. Ryanair, Europe’s biggest airline, said there had been a “large surge” in bookings from the UK to holiday destinations in Spain, Greece and Italy since the government’s announcement. “This is an encouraging trend and shows the importance of providing customer confidence,” a spokesperson said.