How to Adult: Stephen Wildish

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The bank account is where you’ll keep your money and pay bills from. It will control your budget. It’s the center of everything. Once you know how much money you have to Lythcott-Haims’s conversational prose and can-do energy will entice readers . . . emerging with a greater sense of what adulting means and how to proceed with confidence and enthusiasm.” More things I liked about the book: how it emphasized the importance of moving towards change on your own terms. People like to think, with mental health and substance abuse, that interventions work. And for some people, it does. But there's a thing called motivational interviewing. We can't force a client to change, as much as we might like to for their own good; they have to get to that point themselves. And I think this book did a wonderful job showing that, both in Chase AND in Olivia, even though Olivia was the therapist. Nobody can force us to change. They can try, and we can accommodate. But that doesn't mean we will get the most out of our recovery. By getting to that place when we're ready, with a little bit of help along the way, we are capable of many things.

As a wise person once said, 'Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child.' In all the discussions and debates about the challenges faced by young people today, too little effort has been spent helping them feel empowered, excited, and ready for the challenges of adult life. Julie Lythcott-Haims, after her parenting masterpiece How to Raise An Adult, has turned her skill and wisdom into a guide for living a fulfilling, rich, and meaningful life.”They say there’s no manual for being a grown-up, but former Stanford dean Julie Lythcott-Haims has finally created one —and it’s a must-read. Your Turn is the compassionate, candid, comprehensive guide every young adult needs to navigate smoothly through the world, covering everything from jobs and finances to relationships and emotional health. Julie is part therapist, part tell-it-like-it-is wise older friend whose wisdom will benefit anyone who’s trying to figure out this thing we call life —which is to say, everyone.” Our modern understanding of childhood was invented in the late 19th century, and I wonder if our contemporary idea of what it means to be an adult emerged out of that same definitional project: being an adult is to be a not-kid. Kids are dependent on others and need constant care. Therefore, adults are independent and can look after themselves. Businesses such as hotels, car rental agencies and restaurants often require a credit card to hold reservations. A debit card won’t always do, unless it is one with a mastercard or visa logo on it. The book is about Chase London, a young actress who very much has partied hard and is on a severe path of destruction. She enters rehabilitation and upon her discharge is set under the care of Olivia, a personal life coach. It is Olivia’s job to attempt to keep Chase on the straight and narrow, determined to ensure she is able to become insured to work on a film. It feels like this definition of adulthood is wearing thin under the pressures of our times. Adults can survive independently, but should they? Is there really any historical precedent at all for fully independent adults apart from that which benefited a capitalist consumer marketplace? It’s obvious that retailers would rather we each had our own living space and didn’t share our appliances or tools — more space that needs filling means more demand for stuff. And, yes, sharing is a pain sometimes, but maybe it’s because most of us have so little experience with how to do it.

Paying bills on time and writing thank you letters, funnily enough, didn’t turn out to be the blueprint for growing up that we’d hoped it might be (although I still do both). There wasn’t much room for making mistakes in this version of adulting – which is, of course, the only way to become truly adult. Plus, in highlighting our extended adolescence, did it compound the millennial stereotype of a generation of fragile, self-obsessed snowflakes who can’t get a mortgage because we eat too much brunch? In a way, it was beautiful to watch these two women who did not like each other not only learn to respect one another, but also to fill a hole in each others' lives that led to much-needed healing. There were so many ways in which Chase's path mirrored Marley's and Olivia represented the type of mother Lorna should have been. The fulfillment of these roles was a powerful testament to the ability of humans to grow, learn, and fight the tendency to allow history to repeat itself. This book touches on deep and sometimes dark and uncomfortable subjects. But it's also light-hearted and fun at other times, with moments of amusement and laughter as well. Though you're guaranteed to get annoyed with Chase in the beginning chapters, and probably with Olivia too. But as stiff as Olivia is in the beginning, she starts to loosen up over time and you really get to know and understand her. I found her plotline with Conrad and Marley's history a lot more interesting than I expected to. It makes me understand better why Olivia chose this line of work, and I really liked the emphasis on family in her plotline. As for Chase, her transformation allows you to see a better and brighter side to her. The side that isn't shrouded by Hollywood lights and fame. The person she really is within, who is finally discovering who she is, what she likes, what she WANTS. Engaging in fun and happiness along the way. To you’re struggling to find fulfillment, deeply reflect on what you’re skilled at and what you love, she says. She suggests also asking yourself where you feel safe, connected and belonged. Your Turn: How to Be an Adult” dives into financial topics that she — and most adults — wish they knew at an earlier age, like how to start a 401k and what compounding interest is. Lythcott-Haims also writes reminders about the little things that can make major impacts.Adulting is wanting to, having to and learning how,” she says, a phrase she calls the book’s guiding principles. And it’s hustling. While the final explanation into Marley's mental state was not unexpected, I found there were far too many questions left unanswered. Had Zeke known or suspected anything? Had Conrad? While Olivia and Neve had been too close to recognize the signs, had neither of the men with whom Marley had carried out a relationship ever recognized signs of trauma? Why was Zeke's relationship with Marley, which was implied to have occurred around the time that it all went wrong, never discussed? Like, at all?

Now, if this were real, I'd call into question some of the ethics Olivia used in Chase's therapy. It's fictional, so I'll let it pass. But having taken so many courses and trainings on ethics, it's a little hard to ignore the fact that it's totally unacceptable for Olivia to be sleeping with someone or letting multiple people stay at the cabin when it's supposed to be Chase's time for healing, while Chase is there. I thought the truth or dare scene was actually pretty funny, but I can't imagine ever doing something like that with a client of my own. But again, it's not bothersome enough to make me dislike the book. This is a work of fiction, after all. And that's what makes this entertaining. So much went on in this story, lots of twists and turns and discoveries of the past and they weren’t all pretty. Through it all these women began to trust one another, they leaned on each other, they comforted one another when needed, and despite the professional relationship between two of them they became friends. This is the one book you need to read if you’re ready to take up the challenge of becoming your true and vital adult self. It is filled with great stories of people just like you, told by a master storyteller. We need more adults in the world and it really is Your Turn.” Get a job. You need to pay your bills somehow. Yes, that’s true. But you will have multiple jobs in your lifetime, unlike your great-grandfather who may have had precisely one job all his life, or your great-grandmother whose job was likely to stay home. Work looks so different today—the possibilities are almost endless. Conceptually, it belongs in the adulting definition, but it would be better phrased as “Support yourself somehow.” Hopefully, you (or your folks) put some of that money away to get you started down the road to independence.

Yes, being an adult means paying for your rent, bills, food, clothes and more. But Lythcott-Haims points out it’s also walking down the street and feeling that you’re in charge of where you go. Being an adult is feeling independent, strong and competent — and that’s the delicious part, she says.