The Ethical Seduction of the Analytic Situation: The Feminine-Maternal Origins of Responsibility for the Other (The International Psychoanalytical ... Psychoanalytic Ideas and Applications Series)

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Ian,* 70, was also sexually abused by his mother. Unlike Hamish, it happened when he was a much younger child.

There seemed to be a recurrence of the trauma building up over the years,” she says, “so from the late 30s onwards, it was really starting to become an issue for them.” To an outsider, these could be understood as simple words of encouragement. Lucetta knew their real meaning; this was an urgent final plea. Far from healing over time, the impacts of this mother-to-son childhood sexual abuse seem to continue.Only in the last six years — and after decades of counselling and therapy — does Ian feel he’s started to recover. I was born illegitimately,” Ian says, “and he [John] knew that because he wasn’t sleeping with my mother.”

She preyed on the fact I was coming into puberty and made me feel important and special,” he tells me. According to Lucetta, society’s beliefs about gender are effectively stopping a cohort of male victims disclosing their abuse and accessing support. Marcus died by suicide two years ago and when he did, he left University of Canberra researcher Lucetta Thomas a message.

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While some boys were mentally coerced into “a full sexual relationship” with their mother, Lucetta explains that others were on the receiving end of “incredible violence” if they tried to resist. Mothers might also withdraw of basic human needs, such as food and shelter. If you’re a bloke who is impacted by sexual abuse, call Mensline 24/7 on 1300 78 99 78 or visit www.mensline.org.au Since she met him, Lucetta had witnessed Marcus struggling to come to terms with what happened to him in childhood. Although Ian is still married to his wife and has been for nearly 50 years, he confesses to having a number of extramarital affairs and visiting escorts for sex. Lucetta says men who were victims as boys are deterred from disclosing what happened due to the very real fear of not being believed or being blamed for their maternal abuse.