The Best Ever Book of Dutch Jokes: Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who

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Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Koningsdag, or King’s Day, is one of the biggest national holidays in the Netherlands. Each year on 27 April, people dress head to toe in orange and participate in lively street parties, music concerts, and flea markets. Een Nederlander zegt tegen zijn vrouw: “Johanna, giet een liter water bij de soep, we hebben gasten!” There’s also some untranslatable wordplay that requires explaining. Like yelling for a “white one” in a bar to get a beer. Or the double meaning of being “on one leg” for the king. Now it’s really diverse. Some of the biggest Dutch comics ( caberatiers is what we call them) are: Hans Teeuwen, Theo Maassen, Najib Amhali and Jochem Meyer. They are all known to talk about taboos and about different cultures.

Another word that sounds a little rude in English, slagroom means whipped cream. It’s made up of two words: slag (hit/beat) and room (cream). When you pronounce it correctly in Dutch, it sounds more serious, but no less delicious. Top tip: this tasty Dutch food goes well with a generous slab of apple tart. HagelslagIf I was an Olympic athlete, I’d rather come in last than win the silver medal. You win the gold, you feel good. You win the bronze, you think, ‘at least I got something.’ But you win that silver, that’s like, ‘Congratulations, you almost won! Of all the losers, you came in first! You’re the number one loser! No one lost ahead of you!’” – Jerry Seinfeld Hoe noem je een kameel met drie bulten? Henk Henk Henk (What do you call a camel with three humps? Henk Henk Henk) Since learning Afrikaans, I’ve discovered a bunch of hilarious Afrikaans expressions. But, they can’t take all the credit for these linguistic gems. Afrikaans is actually the offspring of the Dutch language which formed after the Dutch settled in South Africa in 1652. The Dutch are used to saying whatever they feel. If you are offended or you’re not comfortable, they might say:

Waarom kunnen Nederlanders goed verstoppertje spelen? Omdat hun vingers tussen de dijken passen. (Why are Dutch people good at hide and seek? Because their fingers fit between the dikes.) Dutch people aren’t quite as scared of monsters as English speakers are! That’s because, in Dutch, monster means more than just a scary creature – it also means ‘sample.’ Monster meaning ‘monster’ comes from the Latin monstrum which has a similar meaning, while the word for ‘sample’ comes from monstrare, ‘to show.’A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “Really? In that case, give me a Kyle!”

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.” And some jokes for the kids They both slowly remove clogs. I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original. Thanks for the gold ! Maf is Dutch for crazy. It’s a more old-fashioned version of gek. And the ketel is a kettle. When someone is acting strangely, he’s a mafketel. These jokes should not be confused with racist jokes, because these kind of jokes are much more aggressive.

Watch these 10 Hilarious Dutch Idioms

As a result, they may find themselves in a tug-of-war between wanting to laugh out loud and being totally appalled. Moreover, any attempt to be politically correct or call out such jabs may fall on deaf ears – or even attract ridicule. Hoe heet de Indonesische Sinterklaas? Sint Nikker (How’s the Indonesian Santa called? Sint Nikker – Nikker sounds like the N-word) Why did the Dutch athlete become a gardener? Because they excelled in “running” through the “fields.”

I, a French person, recently bought a female hamster from the Netherlands Her name is 'Amster Dame. Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. Wat is groen, hangt aan de muur, en wordt roder en roder? Een Groninger die moet opdreunen voor de klas. (What is green, hangs on the wall, and gets redder and redder? Someone from Groningen who has to recite in front of the class.) My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.” – Phil Wang The Dutch love expressions and will litter their everyday conversations with them. Just when you think you’ve learned them all, all of a sudden you hear about someone ‘having butter on their head’ or ‘falling into the house with a door’.Wat is een dinosaurus als hij door de Keukenhof loopt? Een Tulpenstomper (What’s a dinosaur walking through the Keukenhof? A Tulip Crusher.) What do you call a water barrier constructed for rodents in the capital of the Netherlands? An Amsterdam hamster Dam There are a lot of comics nowadays. It used to be more the kind of comics you see in big theatres with big shows. Often talking about social issues. Why did the Dutch tourist bring a map to the restaurant? Because he wanted to find his way to “pancake heaven”!