Slonim Woods 9: A Memoir

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At the time, Levin was simply convinced that “there was something extraordinary” about his new mentor. It is literally impossible to evaluate Mr. Ray in the usual clinical manner,” read the report. “He is able to manipulate and control almost any situation in which he finds himself. He is calculating, manipulative, and hostile.” Who are the survivors? The way that I left was to finally arrive at trusting my body enough, that it was telling me I couldn't endure this anymore and it hurt. I had been ignoring myself for a very long time because I thought that this man knew me better than I did. Finally, the answer was just, I am right about me.

I’d like to think I’m not, frankly, so psychologically fragile that I could be manipulated by someone as Colonel Kurtz ugly as Larry Ray, but that’s what we all think. This guy is a full-on psychopath who seemed to get genuine pleasure sexually and financially exploiting these kids. I think I’d take one look at him and get the eff out of that bizarre house with Larry sleeping in one bed with his daughter and his lover (at the same time!?) and everyone else huddled on the floor next to paint cans being accused every other day of deliberately breaking some overpriced object as a manifestation of anger. The process of writing the book did a few things for me. I had gone through an experience that seems explicitly designed around telling a new story for me about who I was and what my memories even were. One of the things I came away with was an understanding of how tenuous our attachment to our reality is. We currently live in a world, in a country, where people believe very different versions of reality than we might believe. It feels it's conceivable that someone could think that clear historical events occurred completely differently than we think they did. This was an experience with a man who was able to make me question what had actually happened an hour ago, a year ago, ten years ago. Part of that was just that slow burn of manipulation and the pressure, the abuse. There was also peer pressure, and me seeing my social group believe these things made me want to believe them. Mr. Levin sounds like he's in a better place now, after finding enough inner strength to see through the con and break away. I found this passage exactly right:I was assaulted, and I didn't deserve to be hurt or touched that way or coerced into doing things I didn't want to do," he said. "So I can kind of set everything else aside and say that was wrong. That's what the justice system is here for."

I think it is challenging to watch, but I hope that it means that people encounter the reality of these things that do happen in our world, that have been around us all the time, and I think it's worth remembering that Lawrence Ray took those videos because he wanted to use them against us and the fact that we now get to use them against him, and use them to help other people, is incredibly empowering." On Larry Ray's Abuse The narrative so often in stories of crime or abuse or cults is to look at the leader, to look at the perpetrator. You don't do that. You don't try to explain him or understand him or delve into the why of him. I'm sure that that was a choice. It was Levin who first began working with director Zach Heinzerling on making the documentary , and he explained why he felt it was necessary for the video recordings of their abuse to be included in the three-part documentary, despite feeling triggered by it. Ray was best man at Kerik’s wedding, but there was a falling out: Ray’s testimony landed Kerik behind bars for corruption. Talia, loyal to her father, had declared her independence from Teresa, and spent time in a homeless shelter in Bridgewater, New Jersey, rather than live under Teresa's roof.I'll admit to having a morbid fascination about cults and cult leaders. Manson and his Family, Jim Jones and the Peoples Temple, L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology, and more. When I recently read about Larry Ray and the abuse he heaped upon several Sarah Lawrence students, I knew I had to read this book.