You’re Overthinking It: Find Lifelong Love By Being Your True Self

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In reality, doing this usually signals there’s something off internally, and rather than fixing it, you blame some external force for it. If you find no flaws in another person, that’s a sign you’re obsessed and infatuated and not seeing them clearly. It’s a sign that you are seeking validation or that person represents something to you, as we discussed earlier, so get to the root of what that is. Ground yourself and return to earth instead of getting swept away in this fantasy.

All you’re going to lose is what was built for a person you no longer are. Brianna Wiest, The Mountain Is You Real love and compassion aren’t about forgiving and forgetting your way through numerous transgressions, violations or betrayals. It’s about being able to let go of the person who would subject you to those in the first place. It’s about knowing you can practice compassion from a distance, knowing that holding someone accountable is one of the most loving things you can do for them. Highly manipulative people don’t respond to compassion. They respond to consequences. Shahida Arabi, PowerIn movies and romance novels, love is this grand, all-consuming force that takes you over in the most dramatic of ways. There are huge obstacles to overcome, but it’s okay because love conquers all! I mean, would any of us have cared for “The Notebook” if Ali and Noah were of the same social status, went on a few lukewarm dates, then got to know each other and developed a deepening connection over time? Don’t think so. Unhealthy Relationships Start With A Pull It’s especially easy to do this if someone seems unsure about us, or if they reject us. We assume it’s because they are a rare and valuable gem and it makes us want them even more.

So show interest… but then leave it alone and let him pursue you. If you do all the work, then you don’t leave any room for him to develop feelings for you. Sometimes we tend to forget that our current situation does not have to be our destiny. Charlotte Freeman, Everything You'll Ever Need It is very hard to show up as the person you want to be when you are surrounded by an environment that makes you feel like a person you aren’t. Brianna Wiest, The Mountain Is You When you obsess and analyze, you’re essentially saying: I don’t trust that things are going to work out for me so I’m going to keep questioning everything until I prove myself right.

What To Do

I’m not saying what he did was right, what he did was absolutely awful. But can I sort of understand the appeal for him of having this hot sexy girl who worshipped him and thought he was manly and amazing? Yes, because I didn’t look at him that way anymore. I looked at him as a problem I needed to solve. And I did care about him deeply, but not in the same way. He had an opportunity to start fresh, to be with someone who inspired him to get his life together (as opposed to me, who made him feel all too comfortable in his misery), and he took it. Reading The Mountain Is You signals your readiness for change. That said, change without a little bit of help can be hard. So there is an official workbook via Thought Catalog Books that will help you realize many of the lessons in the book in your real life. The workbook offers prompts to guide introspection and navigation through your personal challenges. You can find it here.

For instance, if your parents always made you feel like you weren’t good enough, you may seek out guys who are full of themselves and treat you like you’re not worthy of their love in an attempt to rectify those feelings from your past. Maybe you can’t seem to find that inner self-worth and self-confidence and don’t know where to start.Either way, mental strength is not just hoping that nothing ever goes wrong. It is believing that we have the capacity to handle it if it does. Brianna Wiest, The Mountain Is You With a unique lens of self-compassion and self-acceptance, Ariella feels passionate about helping and empowering individuals to work through their struggles while also holding space for self-compassion. On this episode, you will hear us both discuss the steps needed to cultivate and sustain a healthy relationship with yourself and how the experience of getting to know yourself can help you connect with people and the world around you on a deeper level. Let’s look at why we become obsessed with certain people and how to break free from the obsessive cycle. ● Why it happens 1. Blame your subconscious When you meet someone, you are gathering tons of data and this goes far beyond how attractive you find them. You’re scanning their posture, their movement, their gestures, their tone of voice, the way they look at you, and so on. Sometimes we recognize something within another person, again it’s on an unconscious level, and it sparks something within that causes us to latch on. I’ve seen (and personally experienced) many situations where a couple breaks up after a long period of time because of some issue that was apparent right from the beginning — they’re different religions, want to live in different states, one person doesn’t want kids. In every one of these situations, the couple believed that things would magically just work out. Imagine how much time, effort, and heartbreak they would have saved had they been dating with their head instead of their heart from the beginning.