Joined in 2023 
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When Girton finally told her parents about Freedman, Girton says her parents stopped talking to her for nearly eight years. What do the results mean: that lesbian women are more committed parents? Or, perhaps, that early teaching about diversity, sexuality and tolerance is the key to raising emotionally intelligent, confident kids? I had a real hard time adopting any sort of “mom” related label for various reasons, but these days I love hearing my son say “ Mama” when referring to me, and it fits me. Being a parent has made me feel a lot braver about being myself and living honestly, because my wife and son love me, so who gives a f*** about anyone else?! [Genderqueer lesbian non-bio parent] DAKSHA: Seema and I met through work and it was quite instant for me. I hadn't dated an Asian woman before, but it felt so right. Marc is German so the boys called him Papá and me Daddy. Since they grew up in rural Georgia, USA, they soon realised that Papá was weird so they started callings us both Dad at school and other social situations. When they want to get our attention at home I am still Dad and Marc is still Papá. They do refer to us as their Dads. It is completely normal to them, but we have had a few strange moments when they have introduced us to the girls they are dating.
ASHLING: The one issue people tend to bring up is the concept of the absent father figure and the effect that will have on the children, especially Kai. We've made a conscious decision to ensure there are strong male role models around. Sometimes she calls us collectively ‘ mommyandothermommy‘ which is really cute. She’s 19 months now and still not consistently calling me Mema, but she’s got ‘Mom’ firmly established in her vocab.
LAURA: I think we plan a lot more than a straight couple would. Natalie and I were discussing how we'd pay for the children's education before she got pregnant. It's all to do with having to make such an effort to try and have children – you're constantly reminding yourself what you went through to have them and that it was a more conscious decision than if you were to accidentally fall pregnant. Not the sperm donor’s actual number but the only one I could remember from Les Miserables. So later when the boys would sing Jean Valjean’s song “Who Am I?”, it brought a special smile to our faces. My son is six years old. My family calls me “ bebita” which means baby in Spanish. When he started to mumble words, he started referring to me as “ Babe” and my wife, his biological mother, as Mommy. We met four different families living in the UK, to talk about both the benefits and the challenges of raising children with two mums. In each case, it was noticeable that both mothers were equally involved in all aspects of their children's lives; and that they consider open communication with their children to be crucial. They shared with us their style of parenting, how they explain the difference of their situation to their children – and whether attitudes towards gay families have really changed. ASHLING PHILLIPS AND NATALIE DREW On top of this, as much as society has made advancements in terms of LGBTQIA+ rights, the stigma is still prevalent.
It wasn't until the early 1970s, when both women were at the University of Michigan that they finally heard the word "lesbian" during a lunch conversation. Nibi or tuiste (“I love you Nibi”, “You’re the best tuiste ever”). I came out as non-binary when my kids were hitting their tween years, so they asked to rename me. Seeing how they felt Nini and Bibi were gender neutral but babyish, they combined them as a play on non-binary. We chose the word “tuiste” instead of parent to help differentiate between their father and I; it is Gaelic for parent and since I can trace my lineage to Ireland/Scotland, I felt drawing from that culture would be a good way to not appropriate from other cultures. LAURA: Of course we're concerned that our children will be bullied, but being a child – regardless of the parents' sexuality– is stressful. The average 10-year-old gets harassed by their peers about everything. I'd like to think that they won't be teased just because their parents are gay.
Education
We came home and thought, 'Oh my God, that's what we are,' " Girton says. "From that day forward...we began the journey of figuring out not only were we lesbian but what that meant in the world, and that's a lesson we're still learning today." If you opt for an anonymous donor, you won’t know who the person is, but you will be given information on certain key characteristics, like their family history and appearance. If you go with someone you know, it’s a good idea to consult an attorney to ensure that you have all parental rights outlined from the outset.
Also, if you run into any hurtful language, we feel you. It’s time to get rid of the terms that have caused pain rather than provide care.Our daughter has 3 moms! She calls her dad’s girlfriend “ mom“, I’m also “ mom“, and my wife, Megan, is either “ Mama Megan” or simply “ Megan“! Bo” is my fiance, and that is the name they chose for her when they decided she needed a different name (the way I have a first name but they call me Mama). She was unsure about Bo at first, but has embraced it, and so have they. My daughter even calls her “Mama Bo” sometimes. Sometime before they turned 2, they started calling us “ mama/mommy (first name).” They are 4.5 now, and it’s still going strong. Before they were born, I thought that hearing them use our first names would be strange or uncomfortable, but it happened organically and came from them, so it feels like the most natural thing in the world now.
Do lesbian mums make the best parents? According to research released earlier this year, children raised by two mothers do better academically, have higher self-esteem and are less likely to have behavioural problems than peers who have been brought up in a family with two heterosexual parents. Poppy fits me because similarly to the other parenting titles, it’s letters sound as if they’re repeating. I am also an avid gardener and poppies are one of my favorite flowers. My favorite fun fact about them is that they’re used to create opium and alike threatening toxin to humans and animals. Which is fitting because I’m very protective of my family. [Trans-masculine non-binary gestational parent] LARA: The desire to be as involved as possible in our children's lives is part of the reason Ruth is a governor at the school. We want to be right in there and know what's happening. Having a close-knit community has been pivotal for us – both at the school, in our local neighbourhood, and with our friends and family.
Being a lesbian mom
Many thanks to all of you who have already shared your information and stories! If you haven’t yet participated and would like to, just fill out the form below. Again, the results spreadsheet is here, so you can go look through the entire list of responses. Our daughter shared a crib with another baby for nine months in the children home they lived in. She lives with her two moms three hours away. The girls call themselves “ sisters.” (They’re both only children.)
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