Roman Kemp: Are You Really OK?

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We tend to assume we’re okay—until we’re not. Getting healthy is an ongoing process that requires you to stop, dig deep, and ask yourself the hard questions. This book was a combination of self help and autobiography. Overall I liked Roman's gentle, humble, friendly and honest approach. He doesn't sugar coat and he is pretty explicit about his struggles. I only wish he was a little bolder about his opinions - at some points it feels like he is apologising for himself or preempting people saying negative things, which I don't think he needs to do. At times it felt like he was searching for things to say, for example coming up with a fantasy football league and going into the credentials of various players. But his story was reasonably interesting and of course, as an educational tool the book achieved its purpose in warning and teaching about suicide and the importance of mental health. There were quite a few errors in the writing, I'm not sure if this is an editing or a writing issue? In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing. You’ll learn to… As the saying goes, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Simply put, keep doing what you’ve always done and you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got. The tension you are feeling is telling you that you have reached the end of your line. How are you feeling today? I know it’s still a fresh wound, but I also know that you’re strong enough to get through this.

If you know you are struggling, or others suggest that might be the case, then let yourself have a good hearing and consider talking to a professional counsellor. This might be the difference between getting through the pandemic with your health and relationships intact, or unnecessarily diminished. Getting help from someone trained to assist will also take pressure off other relationships, leaving them for valuable downtime and fun. This book really doesn't know what it wants to be. The cover and particularly the title leads oneself to believe that you're going to get at the very least something substantial on mental health. The reality is the contents (or at least the first two thirds of it, I'll get to why I didn't finish it) consist of some basic discussion of the topic but I actually felt the effectiveness of even this was undermined by the way in which the author switches to discussion of random things that have happened in his life, many of which being subjectively amazing experiences many could only dream of.

Is There Anything You Need From Me?

Sharing that they were as close as brothers and had experienced so many special times together, Roman wants to understand how it reached the point where Joe felt that death by suicide was the only option. In the church we can be guilty of looking for spiritual solutions to physical or emotional problems. You might not have a demon—you might just be dehydrated. Prayer is important, but so is counseling. And while no one would ever tell a person with poor vision to correct their eyesight with Bible verses—we’d advise them to get prescription lenses!—there can be a stigma around a similar prescription for treating a chemical deficiency. Debra helps us avoid such narrow thinking and unhelpful dichotomies. It’s not either/or, but both/and. Prayer is important and so is counseling. Being in a small group at church is vital, and depending on what you are walking through, medicine might be too. How are you feeling? You haven’t eaten much since you sat down, and I can tell that something is bothering you.

We tend to assume we’re okay - until we’re not. Getting healthy is an ongoing process that requires you to stop, dig deep, and ask yourself the hard questions. None of us get through life unscathed. Sean, a psychiatrist Stacey spoke to, is helping to destigmatise mental illness. No one is immune to mental health issues, Sean says.

Is There Anything I Can Do To Help?

While there are statistics (and some confronting ones at that) and information about potential advances in the future for treating specific mental illnesses, where this book shines is the human element. Stacey interviewed young people living with diagnosed mental illnesses and gave them the opportunity to tell their stories. While she never claims to be an expert herself, Stacey spoke with professionals who treat mental illnesses, some of whom have lived experience. There is good value in judicious complaining. Having a moment of “poor me” with a good friend or trusted advisor is functional and relieving. As we hear ourselves out, and hopefully get a compassionate response, we generally self-correct anyway. Because Stacey’s approach is so down to earth and she’s so relatable, her documentaries and both of her books have a warmth to them, almost as though you’re seeing friends catching up and talking about some of their most difficult experiences. I’ll definitely be rereading this book. I just want you to know that I love you” works when you’re really close with a person. We can use it to show that, no matter what they’re feeling right now, we will always love them. It’s our way of offering help, even if they don’t feel like they deserve help from anyone.

Whatever you’re going through, I’m happy to help. You should never have to fight something like this alone. Mates Tom, Olly and Lysander meet Roman to discuss the death of their friend Ashley, three years ago. “It’s still hard every day,” Lysander says. “I’m not going to sugar coat it. It can still be difficult but we take every day as it comes.” Let’s start with the preferred option and what makes it so useful. Of course, if you don’t actually “love” the person you’re asking “are you okay” to, then this might not be for you. Sometimes, even a simpler question is all we need. As long as it provokes a reasonable response from our loved ones, we can use something like “how are you feeling?” Are you really OK? I don’t think there’d be too many people who could answer that question with a resounding yes after living through what the 2020’s have given us so far. Now, more than ever, we need to do whatever we can to look after our mental health.

How Are You Feeling?

I really love Stacey’s documentaries. They’re get right to the core of the problem and don’t shy away from the real issues, be that economical or societal in origin. This book tries to do that, but it’s a much softer inspection of mental health that I expected - it didn’t really go into much depth about what some of the wider contributors to this problem are, and why, although it does mention them in passing.

I am a big fan of Stacey Dooley and have watched many of her documentaries on BBC3. I think she has a real talent at creating a comfortable environment for people to talk about themselves. She's a great active listener and isn't afraid to ask important questions. It had e substance than I was expecting. I thought it was “just” going to be a book about mental health with anecdotes and helpful advice. And that would have been perfectly fine. But it’s so much more. He’s taken us through his life, his childhood, adolescence and adulthood, his family life, his career, his ups and downs, and the things that have built up to crate this picture of mental health. It’s not a self-help book as such. He doesn’t pretend he’s a know-it-all expert or guru, he’s just telling us his experience.Another great question is “what’s on your mind.” As above, we can use it to provoke a decent response from somebody that isn’t just a simple “yes” or “no” answer.