No More Mr. Nice Guy

Product Information

And while most of us make an effort to get along with everyone, some people, often men in particular, tend to try too hard to be nice. They inhibit their personality to avoid conflict. When being good to people becomes harmful to yourself, it becomes an issue. While kindness is a positive characteristic, seeking validation from others is a toxic trait that should be eliminated at all costs. Helping your friends out is a great and noble thing. In fact, the world would be a better place if people would help each other out more. However, there’s a limit to everything, and men who tend to overplease others are also more likely to have blurry or nonexistent boundaries in their relationships.

Because yes, you should act with honesty and integrity and set clear boundaries and learn to recognize that you can't read minds or predict what people really want. I appreciate the whole point that "you are a co-creator in your own dysfunctional relationship." Yup. And yes! Manage your expectations and eliminate covert contracts. To achieve what they want, Nice Guys can be dishonest, secretive, manipulative, and controlling. Sometimes, they might appear to be generous, but in reality, they never give if they don’t also expect to get. They crave appreciation or some other reciprocation in return. What’s more, Nice Guys can become passive-aggressive in their behavior, venting their frustration and resentment. And in addition to all of that, they also find it difficult to set boundaries.

Because it does not feel safe or acceptable for a boy or man to be just who he is. Becoming a Nice Guy is a way of coping with situations where it does not feel safe or acceptable for a boy or man to be just who he is. Further, the only thing that would make a child or an adult sacrifice one’s self by trying to become something different is a belief that being just who he is must be a bad and/or dangerous thing. A Nice Guy needs to believe that it’s okay to be a guy. He should hang out with other guys. He should be masculine. He should be comfortable around other guys. He should believe that other guys are not jerks. He should have male friends. He should build meaningful relationships with other men, not disassociate with other men. He should not be a loner. Men have strength, discipline, courage, passion, persistence and integrity. They can also be aggressive, destructive and brutal. Nice Guys should not repress the fact that they possess these traits.

Seriously? What the hell is left for a definition of femininity? The part of a woman that equips her to give in and give up, fracture social groups to be more easily consumed by predators, to consume and destroy, that empowers her to steal food from her babies' mouths, and use them as handy portable shark decoys in case of danger? There are so many powerful quotes throughout this book that it’s hard to narrow it down to a small handful… but for the sake of time, here are some of my personal highlights that resonated the most deeply for me. If you read No More Mr. Nice Guy and implement the suggested exercises, you can expect to finally begin to accept yourself exactly as you are, end the vicious cycle of feeling dependent on other people’s approval of you, develop integrity and honesty like you’ve never experienced before, and develop a more intimate and satisfying sexual relationship than you’ve ever been a part of (regardless of whether you’re currently single or already in a relationship).Bam. Except he forgot to mention that you should also work on being a better version of yourself because maybe you're kind of awful. Maybe some reservation is warranted until you figure your shit out. Because I could see a special kind of idiot reading that and being like...who I am is an ass-grabber of strangers. It's not just your boundaries that are important.

Life isn’t a merry-go-round, it’s a roller coaster. Life won’t always be smooth, it may not always be pretty, but it will be an adventure — one not to be missed.” How To Use The No More Mr. Nice Guy Book The Nice Guy Syndrome is described by Dr. Glover as a type of behavior in which a man puts the needs of others ahead of his own, is passive, and avoids conflict at all costs. These behaviors can lead to a man feeling unfulfilled and resentful and to him not getting what he wants out of life. Dr. Glover argues that these behaviors are learned and can be unlearned.Sure, there are benefits to being manipulative when it brings you money, glory, or sexual partners; but Nice Guys get nothing even remotely similar to this; on the contrary, in fact – they lose almost everything. Over time I came to see, that like me, the road map of these passively pleasing men unconsciously influenced every area of their lives. I came to realize that I wasn’t the only man thinking that if I was just nice, people would like me, they would meet my needs without me having to ask, and I would have a smooth, problem-free life. Since its release, the book has helped millions of men worldwide learn how to release toxic shame, soothe their anxiety, face their fears, connect with men, embrace their passions and purpose, and experience success in work and career. All too many young (and not so young) Western men really and truly ought to read this book. This transcends self-help: it is self-debugging in the form of having a giant mirror of truth held up to your psyche while you re-evaluate your life and try to keep the cognitive dissonance at bay.