How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

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This is especially important when you find yourself confirming familiar negative thoughts or feelings (triangulating) with a friend or even with a therapist or when you find yourself withdrawing into a private self-congratulating mental dialogue. Known for drawing on Buddhism, poetry, and Jungian perspectives in his work, Richo is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Lovingand The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find in Embracing Them. He has also written When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships, Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side, The Power of Coincidence: How Life Shows Us What We Need to Know, and Being True to Life: Poetic Paths to Personal Growth. The book is a bit too wordy at times, and tends to go on at bit too much, but the message is brilliant. The author also writes from a mindfulness (Buddhist) perspective so there is a lot of spirituality mixed in, which I liked : ) Try saying: "You're saying that you're upset that I didn't think about making dinner. I see that this was very important to you. You would have liked me to think of you."

Being empathetic and emotionally intelligent allows you to connect with others on a profound level. Understanding and validating their emotions create a sense of trust and intimacy in relationships. LSI Keyword: Emotional Connection in Adult Relationships 4. Conflict Resolution: Navigating Challenges Constructively A key message is that childhood experiences can affect our behavior in adulthood. This is because the needs of children, like attention and affection, aren’t always met by their parents. In fact, if a child’s needs are unmet they could grow up to be abusive partners later on. g) Being able to listen to your partner and hear what they are saying, and trying to see things from your partner’s perspective. Effective communication is essential for a healthy relationship. As Harville Hendrix, one of the founders of Imago Relationship Therapy, asked, "Would you rather be right or be in a relationship?" You need to be able to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about what happened and why it was wrong. This will help to ensure that something similar doesn’t happen again in the future.

Overview

Conflict is natural in any relationship, but knowing how to resolve it constructively is essential. Learning to communicate and compromise during disagreements promotes growth and strengthens connections. LSI Keyword: Conflict Resolution in Adult Relationships Nurturing Personal Growth within Relationships Most people think of love as a feeling,” says David Richo, “but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present.” In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships–one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life: 1. Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships. 2. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are. 3. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament. 4. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways. 5. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control. When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts–what Richo calls the five A’s–form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A’s, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation. How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo – eBook Details To David Richo, love is more than a feeling. It’s about being present and understanding each other. Discover more about Imago with our Imago Professional Membership , Imago Professional Facilitators, Imago Professional Training, and Imago Educational Webinars .

Instead of saying: "Unless you admit what you're doing, this relationship is over. I can't be with someone I don't trust." They did it for my own good' is collaboration in the abuse." (p. 58) >> read Alice Miller for more on this It may also mean facing some consequences from your partner, such as being less trusted or being given less freedom in the relationship.Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control. Try saying: ( Say to yourself): "These are my familiar childhood feelings. I don't have to defend myself. I can breathe through these feelings. I can wait to respond. I can be open to what my partner is saying." People change and grow, and relationships should too. Embrace lifelong learning, both individually and as a couple, to keep the connection alive and thriving. LSI Keyword: Growth in Adult Relationships 7. Supporting Each Other’s Dreams: Encouraging Personal Aspirations

However, it’s important to try to understand their perspective and why they feel the way they do. Only then can you truly take responsibility for your actions? Our first indication that this book needs some fat trimmed is on the cover. Its utterly condescending main title "How to Be an Adult in Relationships" is not actually what this book is about, and I don't think the author intended to condescend (though interestingly, one of his points in the book is that intentions matter not--it's how the words or actions make us feel--and this title did NOT make me feel good as a reader!). The book is actually about "The Five Keys to Mindful (and Mature) Loving." The title should have started and ended there. It can also save you and your partner from a lot of unnecessary assumptions and miscommunications that can bring misery and arguments that deteriorate the relationship over time. 2. Be supportive

Big Idea #1: Five aspects of mindful loving are central to love relationships.

Whatever the case may be, it’s important to accept that there will be consequences for your actions and learn from them so that you don’t make the same mistake again in the future. 6. Don’t be an idiot- and we say this with love Most people think of love as a feeling,” says Richo, “but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present.” How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships. Adult love is based on a mutual commitment to what Richo calls the “five A’s”: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. Brimming with practical exercises for couples and singles, How to Be an Adult in Relationships offers heartening insights into a lifelong journey of love. Topics include: