Togetherness: How to Build a Winning Team (Team Building)

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The book looks at the works of Robin Dunbar, who divided our circles of connection into three groups. Our intimate connections are the ones we spend the most time with, and sometimes they're rewarding but often they aren't. Then there's the relational circle, which includes about 150 people of co-workers, extended family, and neighbors- people who you would say hello to on the street and spend small amounts of time with. Then there's the collective circle, that includes anybody else you might know by sight, but not much else, including people like your mailman, folks at church, very extended family members, and people we interact with on a very limited basis. I would add a fourth circle- celebrities and virtual people who we interact with online only, but never meet in reality and get next to no connection value from. One of the wisest books about winning you'll ever read...Powerful lessons beautifully expressed.' - James Kerr Dr. Murthy talks about the prevalence of loneliness, its effect of our health and the ripple effects it has in our lives: our personal relationships, our professional lives, and our spiritual lives. He writes in an extraordinarily compassionate way while providing factual information and an abundance of references.

Team members strive to develop their skills for the team (e.g., they autonomously stay behind after training to practice). Murthy describes a theory of three bowls of human interactions. In the first bowl, the widest, everybody needs plenty of space and attempts to operate as rugged individuals who need little to no help from anyone else. The second bowl is a collectivist culture that is very, very narrow, where the well-being of the group is paramount and everything is interconnected. The third bowl of culture, which Murthy prefers, is in the middle of the wide and narrow ones- enough space for people to feel unique, but enough connectivity so that no one feels ashamed or embarrassed about reaching out for help. This is the happy medium that seems so elusive in so many parts of life. I found this a frustrating read. I’ve heard the author interviewed and was really excited to read the book. I feel let down by the layout and editing. The second half of the book is better than the first, but only marginally. Humans are a social animal, able to build the most complex community structures, and our unique abilities to communicate, share emotions, and create meaning have been our secret sauce in building giant economies and nation-states. We are wired to connect to each other, and when we're separated from that connection, we feel real, physical pain.

Our ancestors deeply understood our primal need to belong, and now we’re beginning to see psychology and nueroscience begin to gather the proof for their instinct. Intimate, or emotional, loneliness, is the longing for a close confidante or intimate partner – someone with whom you share a deep mutual bond of affection and trust.

There is scientific evidence that loneliness is a danger to our health. Murthy points to a study carried out by Dr Julianne Holt-Lunstad of Brigham Young University. It found that people with strong social relationships are 50 per cent less likely to die prematurely than people with weak social relationships. It also discovered that the impact of loneliness on reducing life span is equal to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and that it poses a greater risk than obesity or excessive alcohol consumption. Who has God put on your heart and in your life to serve and sacrifice for, to build a deeper, spiritual relationship with? What happens when we come together? God moves in and through our lives to change the world in three key ways. 1. Our prayers become empowered Discover creative ways to encourage others and to motivate them toward acts of compassion, doing beautiful works as expressions of love. 25 This is not the time to pull away and neglect meeting together, as some have formed the habit of doing because we need each other! In fact, we should come together even more frequently, eager to encourage and urge each other onward as we anticipate that day dawning. Hebrews 10:24-25 TPTOn the early grasslands, we carried obvious physiological disadvantages over other animals but from this brutal reality the super strength of Homo sapiens emerged: the ability to form strongly-bonded and highly effective groups.

We leak energy and focus by obsessing over the unsafe environment and relations around us and the pressure builds. A more inclusive approach is possible. It can be as simple as a belonging cue like coming over and sitting with a teammate at meetings (as a senior) through to asking for everyone’s views in team meetings. Humans are social creatures: in this simple and obvious fact lies both the problem and the solution to the current crisis of loneliness. In his groundbreaking book, the 19th Surgeon General of the United States Dr. Vivek Murthy makes a case for loneliness as a public health concern: a root cause and contributor to many of the epidemics sweeping the world today from alcohol and drug addiction to violence to depression and anxiety. Loneliness, he argues, is affecting not only our health but also how our children experience school, how we perform in the workplace, and the sense of division and polarization in our society. I also think there are better popular science books on the importance of social connections for health: Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community The powerful metaphor it introduces to explain the meaning of ‘whakapapa’ (a concept held by Aotearoa New Zealand Māori) is so clear and meaningful, it surely can be used to make a difference. This concept is universal but in many cultures undervalued or even obscured by modern life.Studies show how storytelling ability enhances a leader’s influence and power through shifting the hormonal state of the group. —> I should find powerful storytellers like Orran and work closely with them. We’re also getting to know our neighbors better and enjoying learning more about their lives and interests since we have all been sheltering-in-place. And my kids love interacting and talking with friends while gaming together, having Netflix movie watch parties online together, and going out for outdoor hikes while social distancing. Finally, there’s a focus on the present. Do we have a sense of identity that flows into everything we do? Do we see ourselves as an unbroken chain from our ancestors to those that follow in our footsteps? This is an area that often needs mending.

The New Testament Christians were compelled by God’s love and desire to be with them. They understood that they were better together – deeply connected through shared conviction, passion for God’s purpose, and a deep love for each other that changed lives and the world around them. An Us story tends to connect a team to their identity. A major part of the identity story may be the way they responded at a time of adversity - for instance an emotive story from one of the World Wars. It all helps to create a deep sense of belonging and consequently a deep focus on the legacy of the current team. Unlike the feeling of loneliness, which is subjective, isolation describes the objective physical state of being alone and out of touch with other people. Isolation is considered a risk factor for loneliness simply because you’re more likely to feel lonely if you rarely interact with others. But physically being alone doesn’t necessarily translate into the emotional experience of loneliness. Many of us spend long stretches by ourselves when we’re so involved in our work or creative pursuits that we don’t feel at all lonely. This induction is the most critical time as an individual is most open to this new experience - our first experiences have a long-lasting impact on our sense of being part of this team. The greatest gifts you'll ever receive will come through relationships. The most meaningful connections may last for a few moments or for a lifetime, but each will be a reminder that we were meant to be a part of one another's lives, to lit one and another up, to reach heights together greater than any of us could reach on our own.But it’s also important that ritual and traditions have a presence beyond the induction of new members to keep everyone connected and maintain their collective sense of identity. These may include a ritual to commence a new campaign, closure on certain events or chapters, and rites of passage events such as milestones and, importantly, beloved members transitioning out of the team. Rather than conveniently move forward without Titus to take this exceptional opportunity, Paul’s conviction to prioritize togetherness led him to pursue Titus while leaving the opportunity behind. I’ve given this book a low rating mainly for the structure and format of the writing, not necessarily the content itself. The content is fine (little new information here if you’ve read anything on the topic previously), but the structure of chapters renders the book sinfully dull. I think this could have benefitted from a stronger editor and a clearer vision for what each chapter and section would achieve. The points feel opaque; they’re hidden behind incoherent approach. Personal stories are mixed with stories from others, along with actual findings from studies. This means you’ve often spent 20 minutes reading to get to a fairly simple point. While technology promises to connect us, it can also isolate; while mobility means our loved ones are only a train ride or flight away, we also move away from the communities where we grew up; while we increasingly have the opportunity to pursue our individual destinies, we can put our own goals ahead of our relationships and community; and despite all of the progress we have made in how we talk about mental health, we are still ashamed of feeling lonely. Dr. Murthy further contextualizes the subject with explorations of the social and evolutionary implications of our need to connect and what happens when we find ourselves untethered.