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We've reconstructed it from what we have learned by talking to people about it, and it does seem that there are two very distinct forms of violence. One form is where the conflict escalates, and people somehow lose control. They get to a point where the trigger seems to be feeling disrespected and there's a loss to their dignity. They feel driven to defend that dignity, and start doing things like posturing and threatening while in a state of high and diffuse physiological arousal, and they increasingly have a loss of control. The violence tends to be symmetrical, and there is not a clear victim and perpetrator. I could go on, mostly because I need to expel the nastiness of reading this book from my mind. But for now I'll summarize by saying this is the first book I can remember actually throwing in the garbage can. I saw the boy again a few days later. I had taken a gun out alone, more to have an object for my wanderings on a fine afternoon than in the expectation of any serious sport, for the calendar declared my proper game still unassailable. Science comes into the study of families and relationships because a scientist always admits to profound ignorance, doesn't presume to know about these things, takes this ignorance and goes to the people and observes them in situations that are vitally important — when people are having dinner, when they meet at the end of the day, when they are in the bedrooms cuddling, when they're having sex, when they're interacting with their babies — in these very important moments, a scientist without preconceptions observes and tries to understand — interviews people, measures their physiology, and tries to get at their inner experience. And then creates mathematical models that provide theoretical understanding of all these processes.
My next target is then— Act like a lady, think like a man (Steve Harvey). This one might be seeing yourself outside the box (from the view of girls). In relationships where both partners consider themselves as happy, bad behavior is dismissed as unusual: “He’s under a lot of stress at the moment,” or “No wonder she’s grumpy, she hasn’t had a lot of sleep lately.” Couples in this enviable state will have a deep-seated positive view of their partner, which is only reinforced by any positive behavior: “These flowers are lovely. He’s always so nice to me,” or “She’s just such a nice person, no wonder she did that.”
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Then, there are two tasks on vocabulary that appears in the speech. In the first one students have to match words with their definitions. Next, in the second exercise, they have to complete sentences. It is a good idea to do these tasks before watching the video as students can refer to them during watching. After that, there is a discussion about the speaker’s idea and tips about relationships. Finally, there is a sentence-making exercise which can be treated as homework. I loved reading this beautifully written book. It is about love and follows the lives of Major Stephen Fairhurst, a veteran of Waterloo who also served under Wellington in Portugal and Spain. After leaving the army, brutally crippled, he inherits Kersey Hall in Suffolk, and we join his story at the momentous events at Peterloo in 1819. A private man, he begins to correspond with Lucy, who is keen to learn more about Waterloo. Through his letters, we learn something of the brutality of 19th-century warfare. Stephen is nursing the loss of his great love, and as his story unfolds, he reveals the details to Lucy. Lucy is a woman ahead of her time. Keen to experience all aspects of life before making any decision to settle down.
The equations for the husband follow the same pattern: h, r HH t, and I HM are his mood when he’s on his own, his mood when he’s with his wife, and the influence his wife has on his next reaction, respectively. So there are all these small but reliable differences, and I think they have big implications for what you do in relationships. Now it's women who matter here, because we find that 80 percent of the time women are the ones in our culture who raise issues, and they raise them harshly in an unhappy relationship and more gently in a happy relationship.We are working with lower-income couples to see whether we can do something about when that baby arrives. So far we've found that with middle-class couples, in just two days of the couple's life, ten hours, we can change the drop in relationship satisfaction that happens to two-thirds of couples and not only change the relationship so there's no increasing hostility over time so relationship satisfaction doesn't go down, and we can have a major effect on postpartum depression. We can also really affect that baby's emotional and cognitive development in quite a profound way, with a very brief intervention. And the baby didn't take the workshop. The question is can we do it when there are many other problems present, like addiction, incarceration, violence, racism, and poverty. Can we also have that kind of effect? That's what we're going to see in the next nine years, whether we can change families. We are now engaged with the nonprofit policy group Mathematica in the largest randomized clinical trial ever done with couples anywhere in the world. There will be 10,000 couples in this study. How do you know when you've found the one? The answer may lie in a simple equation' -- The Sunday Times The Mathematics of Love is a daring debut novel that forces the reader to confront both the horrors of history and the destructiveness of misplaced passion. But its overriding theme is deliverance, as the two main characters face their troubled pasts and are freed from the ghosts that have haunted them… Emma Darwin's prose is golden and convincing. This book is an addictive, engaging foray into historical fiction that leaves the reader believing in the art of perspective and the redemptive power of love.” - Daily Express The comparison of popularity on social media to sex partners and using that sort of analysis to statistically trace the spread of STD was interesting and logical.
El capítulo 4, las citas por internet, habla del algoritmo de emparejamiento de OKCupid y de cómo conseguir un "porcentaje de match" de una manera coherente basada en las preferencias de los candidatos (y de cómo es recomendable usar medias geométricas en lugar de aritméticas en estos casos). MUY entretenido. Entretenidísimo libro que en apenas 100 páginas nos hace un recorrido por muchas zonas de la matemáticas, con el hilo conductor del amor. Bastante logrado: Many things can happen when two people have sex for the first time: the start of a new life, the start of a new infection, intense mutual embarrassment and even, occasionally, pleasure. And if they're not, if they're fighting destructively, that fetus, that baby is on a different longitudinal course — its neurological development is already handicapped — from the time it's born. The fetal development is really affecting the function of this vagus nerve, the tenth cranial nerve. Now this destructive process that happens to two thirds of all couples can be reversed, just in a 10-hour workshop the parents take in the last trimester of pregnancy. One of the things that's very interesting is that with psychological interventions you can change neurological growth and development, and emotional growth and development in the baby. This makes for more empathetic children — and more empathetic infants as well. Daniel Siegel is beginning to help us understand how this happens, how to integrate attachment theory, relationship science and brain neurophysiology and growth. It's a rich and exciting new field, what Jaak Panksepp calls this "affective neuroscience." So far, his surmise is that "respect and affection are essential to all relationships working and contempt destroys them. It may differ from culture to culture how to communicate respect, and how to communicate affection, and how not to do it, but I think we'll find that those are universal things".
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Then we are also finding that if we intervene early, and do preventative intervention, our effects are much bigger, and we have an impact not only on the couple, and changing their longitudinal course, in a dramatic way, in not a very long time, but we can also have an impact on the emotional development of their children. We're following those children — we're now studying children whose parents went only to a two-day workshop, and their babies are now turning three years old, and we'll know at the end of this year whether this emotional developmental change continues and the children are in a dramatically different trajectory than kids whose parents didn't take the workshop. But we are far from being done. There's so much we don't understand. Like sex. We have no clue about how sex works in relationships, how it fits into everyday interaction, what good sex really is like, what great sex really is, what everyday sex is, how it all works or fails. We have no descriptive data. A lot of that is because we are such a prudish, low-touch culture. The New York Times recently reported, in an article about Kinsey, that 100 million dollars of awarded research funds had been reversed by the religious right in the USA because they think that federal dollars shouldn't be doing this kind of research. Even when it has health benefits, like understanding how AIDS spreads. This has got to stop. We need to know about sex so we can advise couples, and so we can understand. We just have Masters and Johnson's great breakthroughs, but they only really studied masturbation, not sexual relations. So there is still a great frontier out there. Gottman, trained as a mathematician, has been influenced by the field of psycho-physiology, which is concerned with "the study of the body and the face and voice and emotion in relationships, and just try to understand the naturalistic development of relationships. How do people respond emotionally to one another?" He's made his own contribution to this field of emotion with his concept of "met-emotion," or "how people feel about feelings, what their history is with specific emotions like pride, respect or disrespect, love, fear, anger, sadness". We've now gotten to the point where not only can we predict what's going to happen to the relationship, and not only can we intervene to prevent decay of relationships for people who really want to stay together, not only can we help people who really are continually unhappy with one another, to find out why their relationship isn't working, but we're really starting to understand the whole equation of this process, of having close relationships. As any mathematically minded person will tell you, it’s a fine balance between having the patience to wait for the right person and the foresight to cash in before all the good ones are taken.
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