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Anyway. Here are the ten funniest things I’ve ever seen online, to the best of my memory. 1. Big Mouth Billy Bass is in agony I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.” – Tim Vine I have a lot of growing up to do. I realised that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said ‘Analogue?’ I said ‘No, just a watch.'” – Tim Vine What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? “Thanks! I’ll never part with it!”
A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What’ll you have?” The skeleton says, “Gimme a beer and a mop.”Need a laugh? We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. You'll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they least expect it. And you don't have to worry about these being clean: All of our favorite jokes are fit for kids and adults. In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got dad jokes, jokes for kiddos, mom jokes, and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room (be sure to bookmark our April Fool's jokes for next year!) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.
A spa hotel? It’s like a normal hotel, only in reception there’s a picture of a pebble.” – Rhod Gilbert Broaden your factual knowledge for joke material. It is much easier to find funny moments in material you know well – your workplace attitudes, your amazing knowledge of 17th century poetry, your familiarity with fishing trips that went wrong, etc. Whatever the material, though, it also needs to resonate with your audience, meaning that your concise ability to deconstruct a 17th century poem might not hit its mark with somebody not familiar with the piece! Nowadays, we receive tons of information… Retaining this information is not easy, I know, that is why I use short jokes to impress people. The short jokes are always easier to remember!
If I was an Olympic athlete, I’d rather come in last than win the silver medal. You win the gold, you feel good. You win the bronze, you think, ‘at least I got something.’ But you win that silver, that’s like, ‘Congratulations, you almost won! Of all the losers, you came in first! You’re the number one loser! No one lost ahead of you!’” – Jerry Seinfeld
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