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Try “I love when you’re inside me, how would you feel about exploring doggy style next time we have sex?” or “I love the way you look between my legs, would you want to taste me the next time we have sex?” Why can group sex be so hot? Engle explains: “In most folks’ multi-partner sex fantasies, you’re the star of the show. The idea of multiple people wanting to have sex with you is part of the turn on.” In some cases, these fantasies may be rooted in a desire to explore your sexuality or gender identity and presentation. However, experts say in most cases it stems from a desire to be comfortable in your skin with a partner. Less than 0.5 percent of folks said cheating, being unfaithful, or committing adultery was arousing to them. What to do about it Nonconsensual exhibitionism and voyeurism is illegal, because the people getting exposed to your genitals or being watched aren’t willing participants. While this may be hot to fantasize about, these shouldn’t be practiced in real life.
So the first step to enacting this fantasy IRL is to ensure it’s safe, sane, and consensual (SSC), then figuring out what the fantasy is, exactly, and then talking to your partner about it. Actually want group sex IRL? Good news. “Group sex is also a pretty accessible fantasy — you might not be able to have sex with your favorite celebrity, but you can probably find someone who is down for a threesome,” according to sex educator Cassandra Corrado with O.school. What if you want to do the same ‘ole thing in the same ‘ole way… but outside the bedroom? Again, ask your partner if it’s something they’d be down for. And as Corrado says, “being able to do or be what and who you’re not supposed to do or be with your partner creates a layer of safety and vulnerability that further connects us with our partner.” What to do about itGender bending fantasies — in which someone explores their own gender presentation and dress, or has a partner who does Every fantasy falls into 1 of 3 categories, according to Engle. “Those we keep to ourselves, those we share with our partners to up the steaminess during sex, and those we’d want to try in real life.”
Placing a mirror in front of your bed so you can watch yourself, going to a sex club or party, or consensually role-playing Voyeur or Exhibitionist with your partner(s) may help you explore a similar sensation. Voyeurism (watching people engage sexually without their knowledge or consent) and exhibitionism (exposing one’s genitals while others look on — sometimes with, sometimes without their consent) are the most common iterations of forbidden sex. What to do about it For example, “I’ve been thinking it might be hot to talk through a fantasy of another woman going down on you in bed. What do you think?” If you’re having cheating fantasies, Corrado offers the following advice: “Identify why you’re having this fantasy. Are you unsatisfied in your relationship? Are you craving an adrenaline rush? Is there some other internal conflict going on?”
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If you want to share with your partner — but not necessarily enact this fantasy — start by asking for consent to incorporate this kind of lingo in bed.
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