About this deal
The mom in my recent class had a strong emotional reaction which forced her brain to shut down functions extraneous to survival (like learning new information). You can use non-violent communication and "I" phrasing for scripts like "When you ____, I feel ____. Taking the time to have a date with your partner, chat with a friend or take a long bubble bath are not selfish, they are a necessary part of having the energy you need to parent responsively.
The words that came out of their parent’s mouth, the angry look in their parent’s face, the cruelty of the moment, hurt a thousand times more. There are even those who advocate for “spanking therapy” and discuss “whipping theory” as a cure for depression, and addiction. Because when you feel better about your efficacy, it is easier to do something with increased ease and enjoyment. When a person asks for punishment, it is an indication of a problem because punishment works as a disincentive.
It can feel effective in the moment because a child may be highly motivated to have a certain item or activity back.
Hard spanking is most often done out of anger and there is probably a better way to address the situation. This increase in aggressive behavior appears to reflect the child's perception that hitting is the way to deal with anger and frustration.When she left with a tensed jawbone and stooped shoulders that night, I wondered if she would be back and I worried about it all week. If you’ve ever had a partner palm your bum during sex or whip your hip with the towel after a shower, you’ve engaged in impact play. Regardless of how adults in your life made you feel about your childhood choices, your behavior was not inherently wrong and you did not deserve to be punished for acting like a child. A lot of this can be solved by getting into routines that make day to day life easier (giving you more of “you” to handle when things get crazy).