Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

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All those hangouts we did not want to attend and the amount of things we say yes to but secretly feel resentful about are mere signs that we are NOT GENUINE with our true needs and wants. I saw that clients who were trying the hardest to be nice people also felt the most anxious, guilty, and frustrated.” This book gives you a new pair of eyes that you can never close. You see things you never saw before. You realize just how much people apologize for ANYTHING that doesn't warrant an apology. The only way to become the assertive person that you want to be is by DOING it. Follow the steps. They are SO UNCOMFORTABLE AT FIRST. But it really does get easier with time. It’s good to discover what I want It’s good to ask for what I want. It’s good to say what I want. It’s good to say what I don’t want. It’s good to be able to put myself first."

I have the right to say yes to having sex, to enjoy sex, and to pause during sex to have a conversation. There’s a solid takeaway here for people who take on too much responsibility for the feelings of others, but I wonder if the advice within is really all that healthy. It’s based on (lengthy) personal experiences and anecdotes. You certainly might still get a lot from the book just by asking yourself questions as you listen, but I have a genuine question: Is there a book that provides the same self-reflection without the cringe? I’d be interested in that book. It made me remember having a boyfriend in high school for a short period… who I never really liked. But because he was really nice and liked me, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by breaking up with him. (Yeah… that’s pretty bad.) I wanted to read a book that would help me relax a little bit better when I was tending to work I do for my businesses. BE 100% UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU! ARE YOU READY TO ESCAPE THE CAGE OF NICENESS SO YOU CAN ELIMINATE PEOPLE PLEASING, AND BOLDLY SPEAK UP?A good example is how kids just say what’s on their minds. They simply blurb stories mid way and start talking with enthusiasm about absolutely none-sense with no censorship nor concern about what you MIGHT think of them or their story! They just assume you will like it because they genuinely like it themselves.

If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say “no” to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness. However, it served as a good reminder to review some things again with great points, but honestly, I stopped about 3/4 of the way through because I was just ready to be done with it.And it is honestly VERY easy now. I now say no to people with no guilt. This book teaches you how to do that.

Long answer: I've struggled with people pleasing, anxiety, low self esteem, and stuttering my whole life. I wanted to please everyone. Say yes to everyone. Say yes to nobody. Everybody else came before me. Someone asks me to help them move? HOW could I POSSIBLE say no? Because if I say no, then they won't like me any more right? At first I was all up for it, going all in, but sorry to say, the feeling faded. I realized a thing or two about myself and others (credit to the book here), and in the end couldn't buy into to the concept. Don't get me wrong, the approach is good, just not enough. It's not that simple. I wish it was. (Reading Letters From A Stoic by Seneca, parallel to Not Nice, as I did, certainly didn't make things easier. Not at all! A great challenge though. I recommend it.)while this book is instructional — it offers a lot of exercises and action-steps to help you stop people pleasing, to speak up, and to be more authentically you — i think the most helpful part of it for me was the way it forced me to challenge my view of myself, my life, and my relationships. i journaled more while reading this than i have in literally years because i wanted to really engage with the material and i found so much hidden under the surface that i didn't even realize i was dealing with. more than that, with all the examples from the author's life, i felt like i could really make a change because he did that change first. he gave so much encouragement, so many kind words that i didn't know i needed to hear, and the combination of all of these things gave me the courage to really start changing myself and my life. (this sounds like an infomercial but i'm 100% serious yall!) This was like WOW! I am personally a very empathic person and would usually care that other people are feeling great in my presence. However this resonated with me because people’s choices to feel good or bad is like I said A CHOICE, that I have nothing to do with.

In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert and clinical psychologist, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice.

I never thought I could be capable of being so assertive, confident, and in control. I used to come across obviously assertive people and be jealous, even resentful toward them because I wished I could be like them. I wished I could have their confidence.